Posted by A good friend of mine and his wife always seem to be completely crazy about each other. Which I of course find extremely frustrating, as my girlfriend and I seem to always be at each others’ throats. When I asked him about it he told me the simplest thing, simple and yet it made some of the most sense I’ve ever heard when it comes to relationships and getting along with women. “We used to fight all the time, but then I discovered that you can be happy or you can be right.”
You can be happy or you can be right, amazing! I very much enjoy a good old fashioned argument, as I am extremely logical, and I like debating topics both parties are passionate about. But the more my girlfriend and I would butt heads, I was starting to realize that no matter how air tight my argument was, no matter how many facts, dates, previous conversations or witnesses I would bring, she would always bring her emotions: the hot, steamy recipe for disaster. And in the relationship rock paper scissors game of like, emotions always beat logic. The harder I tried to prove I was right, the more miserable we both became.
So much energy wasted, when all I had to do was say “you’re right dear, I’m sorry” and countless hours could have been saved.
But I can’t do that. In the end I think I’d rather be right. I’m extremely competitive, and it kills me to hand over an argument simply because her feelings might get hurt. So keeping in mind the whole “you could be happy or you could be right” thing, the following are some tips on how to win more arguments, while keeping the tears and the hurling of objects at a minimum. Just remember, it’s going to get ugly. She will cry, and she will say nasty things that have nothing to do with the argument at hand. These are tricks to lure you to her emotional level, making you angry, causing you to lose your cool and say things that will scar you both for years. Stay calm. Remember what a wise, 3-foot muppet once said “anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, and suffering leads to the dark side.” If you keep a cool head and stick to your guns, you can win the argument. She will be pissed, upset, sad and resentful, and she’ll probably withhold sex from you for the next few weeks, making you pissed, upset, sad and resentful, but hey…you’ll be right!
1. Really try to stay focused on the issues at hand. It will be tempting to bring up past discussions but be careful; women have scary good memories. They will bring up things you said and did months and years ago, with such Polaroid precision that you won’t even know what to do with yourself. So if you absolutely must bring up the past, make sure you remember exactly what happened, who said what, what she was wearing, what you were eating, cause if not she’ll eat you alive.
2. No matter how upset she gets, stay calm and keep telling her you love her. This might sound counterproductive, but some of these arguments can get pretty intense, and it can start to feel like your significant other doesn’t love you anymore or that things are coming to an end. Keep arguing, don’t give up in the face of tears, but keep her reassured that you will still be there when the smoke clears.
3. Never disregard her feelings. When you sift through the things she’s telling you, which might not make any logical sense, there’s always an emotion at the base of it. Try not to say things that “You’re being ridiculous” or “That’s just plain insanity!” Again, if you are calm and relaxed you can see clearly, so instead respond with “Listen, I understand how you feel, but this is what really happened.”
4. They say “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” Dale Carnegie’s bestselling book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” describes at length the fact that no one “wins” an argument. You might be able to prove her wrong when it comes to the facts of case, but in the end don’t ever expect her to say, “Okay honey. You were right, I was wrong. I’m sorry.” This will never happen. As was mentioned earlier, sometimes it’s better be happy than to be right. So if you truly want to win an argument, know in your heart that you were right, but tell her “Okay sweetheart, I didn’t realize you felt that way. I’m sorry.” It can be very difficult to swallow that pride sometimes, but it’s the quickest path to make up sex around!
