Posted by Anyone who has ever been single and in need of some sexual healing, has at least at one point considered the idea of kissing or making out with a friend. Friends with benefits can be a tremendous asset to curing one’s lonely, hungry state. You get along, laugh together, like spending time with each other. You can kiss, fool around, even have sex without having to commit… But like in most matters of to the heart: things get complicated.
And that’s exactly why there are rules.
Breaking the rules can lead to disaster of colossal proportions: tears, anger, hurt feelings and the end of a friendship. So, let’s start with the basics. Let’s define a friend with benefits. Firstly, there is a difference between friends with benefits and casual sex partners, but many advice guides tend to ignore this difference and treat the two equally.
Defining Friends With Benefits
“Friends with benefits” is a term used to describe a physical and emotional relationship between two people. That relationship may have elements of a sexual or near-sexual nature, however it is understood by both parties that aside from some occasional flirting, touching or hanky panky, there should be no expectations of extra commitment or an official romantic relationship later on. Casual sex on the other hand, has little or no emotional attachment and is based purely on the fulfillment of sexual needs.
Embarking on a “friends with benefits” relationship can be a lot of fun but in order to prevent Hurricane Emotion from wiping out a friendship, here are some rules and pitfalls to consider beforehand.
Insider Tips
Set Rules At The Beginning
As much as we’d love for nature to take its course, a little planning can go a long way.
Rules to consider: where and when it’s okay to make out (at a bar/ in front of friends/at home behind closed doors), what is okay to do (hold hands, sleep over, cuddle), who is allowed to know (no one/closest friends/anyone). By laying out what’s acceptable and what’s not, you are protecting yourself and your FWB from emotional damage in the future.
Do Not Have Expectations
Whether it’s a phone call or sex, it’s better to let things happen when they happen. Expectations can stress a situation, the less you have them, the easier it is to play it cool, have fun and not to interfere with the natural process. The second one of you begins to expect something you didn’t before, one person is bound to bail in fear. All to say, accept what you’ve got and don’t try and push things.
Watch Your Language
Multiple “I love your…” “I love the way you” can begin to sound a lot like I love you. Try not to become an undercover over-lover.
Have A Time Frame
If this FWB relationship has been going on for more than three months, you could be entering an emotional danger zone. Obviously this depends on the nature of the relationship and the frequency of your encounters, but typically three months provides just enough time to confuse things. If you’re really into each other maybe it’s time to give a relationship a shot. Otherwise, it may be a good time to take your eggs out of the basket.
Know When To Stop
Perhaps you’ve met someone else, want to meet someone else, or the other person is visibly becoming more attached. If you can forsee the end of this relationship approaching, now might be a good time to pull out. Ending things might be difficult at first but it saves a lot of heartache in the future.
FWB WARNINGS!
Meeting Other People Becomes Harder
Going out to a bar or party with your FWB around shouldn’t but can begin to narrow your opportunity to hook up with other people. Though you guys are by no means in a relationship, all of a sudden jealousy and confusion are percolating. That is of course unless you both find someone else. Your best bet is to make an agreement before anything gets out of hand.
The More You Water Them, The More Feelings Grow
There is no doubt that fun and intimacy with a person can develop into feelings, real feelings. The longer you let it go on for, the more likely they are to grow. However, very rarely do feelings builds equally and at the same pace on both sides. Be aware and stay grounded about what’s really going on.
The End Will Come
Unless you realize how madly in love you are with each other, there is a good chance that this relationship will end. And, many FWB relationships end once one person meets someone else. It’s normal for disappointment to prevail initially, but a certain amount of levelheadedness also must be maintained. The best way to make the knock a little softer is to be realistic and honest from the beginning.
