Posted by When a national disaster occurs, how soon is too soon before one starts hearing the “cha ching” of the cash register in their heads? Of course if you get sucked into the conspiracy theories surrounding the two planes crashing into the World Trade Center, you could argue that the real money makers after 9/11 were the banks who profited from America going to war with Iraq, who heard the “cha chings” years before the planes even left the ground, and who probably organized the whole thing to begin with. But if you do in fact believe that the attack was from Taliban terrorists, is it ever okay to profit from the tragedy? The following are people who have certainly tried and in some cases succeed. Were their motives noble? Highly doubt it. Was it too soon for them to make a buck off what happened on 9/11? With an entire nation unified under the slogan “Never forget,” it certainly felt that way.
Movies
Less than five years after the towers fell director Oliver Stone began shooting World Trade Center, a disaster film based on the true rescue story of police officers John McLoughlin and William J. Jimeno. Despite the fact that the Rotten Tomato’s overall consensus was that “As a visually stunning tribute to lives lost in tragedy, World Trade Center succeeds unequivocally, and it is more politically muted than many of Stone’s other works,” when the film’s first trailers came out there was definitely an overall feeling of “too soon!” The film has made $162,000,000 worldwide. That same year the Commemorative 9/11 Box Set was released. Three DVDs featured documentaries on “ordinary people who became heroes on 9/11.” Thanks to the word “documentary,” this project doesn’t share the reek of profiteering with some Hollywood productions.
Time between tragedy and profit: 5 years
Commemorative $20 Coin Certificate
First of all, wtf is a “coin certificate?” Nearly every line from this ad could be followed with “You’ve got to be joking!” Aside from the high levels of ridiculosity surrounding the entire project, I particularly love how they use the fact that the silver coin/bill is bigger than a regular $20…as a selling point!
“Can I use it as currency?”
“Only if you’re in Liberia. But look, it’s bigger.”
An especially nice touch is how “the frosted twin towers stand out against a mirror-like background, much as they did in the gleaning sunlight of that fateful morning.” Fantastic! Now every time you look at your silver coin/bill on display, you won’t be able to stop your imagination from crashing two planes into those “frosty towers.”
Oh, and let’s not forget how proud they are of their historical mathematical achievement, adding the numbers 9 and 11 on the back to make 20….GET IT? Pure genius. The hi-fives in the office that day must have been aplenty.
Now before you get crazy and put on of these bad boys in every room of your life, the limit per caller is 5.
Time between tragedy and profit (assuming even 1 was sold) = 7 years
Fake Silver Coins
A private company in Port Chester, N.Y. called the National Collector’s Mint fraudulently marketed and sold “silver” coins in commemoration of 9/11. They called their product the “Freedom Tower Silver Dollar,” and they ran many ads on television and otherwise offering customers a government approved one dollar pure silver coin, made from silver collected at ground zero. New York Attorney General Eliot Spitzer shut the operation down and filed a lawsuit against National Collector’s Mint, arguing that:
A) The coins are not worth one dollar
B) They are not government approved
C) They are not pure silver but silver plated (Spitzer used the word “infinitesimal” when comparing the amount of silver in the Freedom Fraud to a coin of pure silver.)
D) They are not made from anything found at ground zero
So not only did this company profit from 9/11, but they did so by lying on a massive scale and ripping people off. Someone should fly a plane into their face. So keep this mind if someone tries to sell you jewelry claiming that it’s from silver found at ground zero, they’re probably full of bull ****.
Time between tragedy and profit: 3 years
The Twin Towers Commemorative Mailbox
So you want to honor your fallen countrymen? What better way than to erect a smaller version of the twin towers on the edge of your lawn? Make every day your own September 11th in which every letter stuffed into your mailbox is the stationary equivalent of 747s flying into your own personal World Trade Center! And be sure to salut Ivan Marijan Sarich, the brilliant mind behind your daily tragedy.
Time between tragedy and profit: 1 year
From the Ashes
Imagine going to pay your respects to lost loved ones at ground zero, only to be greeted by street vendors trying to sell you photos of the towers as they crumbled. Hawkers and street vendors have literally surrounded the site, illegally selling all kinds of 9/11 memorabilia to tourists who pass by. City officials have attempted to crack down on hawkers at ground zero, with NYC police handing out fines, forcing them to relocate, and even making arrests, but this doesn’t seem to stop vendors from trying to profit from the disaster. Scavengers went to ground zero and scrounged anything they could find in the rubble…like more rubble and pieces of metal. They would then take it and either sell it on the street or on eBay.
Commemorative Cribbage Bored…I mean Board
If you take the “2” from 121, chop off the tail and complete the upper swoop, you’ve got yourself a 9. And if you leap-frog the 9 to the left, then push the two 1s together….well would you look at that! The coincidences are mind boggling. This holy plank of commemorative wood goes for $115, and apparently Bin Laden himself mentioned it in one of his videos in 2007, but I have absolutely zero proof of this.
Time between tragedy and profit: 5 years
The American Flag
No one profited more from the terrorist attacks on the twin towers like the American flag industry (again, assuming you ignore the evidence suggesting it was an inside job, in which case the banks are the big winners). Not only were the flags themselves flying off shelves at lightning speeds, but anyone producing mugs, t-shirts, bumper stickers, tattoos, posters, or any other type of flat surfaces where the ole red white and blue could be printed on saw their business numbers go through the roof. No one sums up this phenomenon better than David Cross.
Time between tragedy and profit: Zero
Charities
Millions of Americans opened their hearts and wallets to the victims of 9/11. Everyday people and celebrities alike donated an estimated total of $1.2 billion to various charities and organizations to provide relief for families of the fallen. If you were to divide that money directly amongst the 6000 victims, each family should have received $167,000. Of course everyone understands that it takes money to raise money, overhead and salaries need to be paid, but when all was said and done and the families received less than $3000 a piece, the nation became outraged. Once again Eliot Spitzer stepped to the plate, along with media critics like FOXNews’s Bill O’Reilly, to call out organizations such as the American Red Cross and United Way, forcing them to explain to the American people: Where’s the f**k’n money? Under the heat, the president and CEO of the Red Cross resigned, and the organization refused to participate in a program designed by Spitzer to facilitate the distribution of funds raised for 9/11 victims. Very not cool. We should sick Stewie Griffin on them.
Time between tragedy and profit: Days
