Posted by “I once read that public speaking is people’s number one fear, even above death! That means at a funeral, you’d rather be the one inside the coffin than the one giving the eulogy.” – Jerry Seinfeld
Brilliant. As a stand up comedian living in Montreal, I’ve seen many of world’s funniest comics entertaining packed houses with nothing but a spotlight, the shirts on their backs and a microphone. Some were even wearing pants. For most civilians, the very thought of giving a presentation to six people at the office is enough to make the palms leaky and the stomach queasy. So the concept of telling jokes to hundreds is as foreign and terrifying as cheese-in-a-can. Never in a million years could you drag them up there. But if you’re anything like I was, you’d be sitting in the audience laughing and frustrated at the same time. You can’t help but feel that it could be YOU up there, telling jokes and weaving tales, making everyone laugh their asses off. Then you’d imagine people’s asses actually falling off, and you’d giggle quietly to yourself. You were the class clown in school. You tell the funniest stories at parties. All your friends suggest you to give stand up comedy a try. But you’ll be watching the ridiculous antics of Brian Regan, the dark brilliance of Louis CK, or the cutting edge witticisms of Jerry Seinfeld as they perform to a thousand people and you become discouraged. You ask yourself “How on earth does someone go from this crappy balcony seat to standing on stage?” Hopefully this guide will answer some of these questions.
Open Mics
Check your local newspaper for all the comedy clubs in your area, and find out when they hold their “open mic nights.” These are shows where brand new comedians get their starts, and where more seasoned comics test out new material. Go check out some of these shows to get a feel for the room, meet some of the comics, hopefully meet the club owner or manager, and to get a sense of the quality of comedy you’ll be sharing the stage with. There’s usually a list of about ten comedians, ranging anywhere from side-splitting-hilarious to please-shoot-me-in-the-face-brutal, either way you’re bound to be inspired. Ask one of the comics when the best time to call for the open mic bookings are.
Note: Depending on where you live, you should seek out open mic nights in surrounding cities as well. You’ll be travelling all over place someday so you may as well get used to it right off the bat. I’ve driven for as long as 5 hours to showcase 6 minutes of comedy, and I’m sure there are others who’ve gone even further than that.
Step 1: Write everything down
“Sometimes I’ll be in bed, and I’ll have a funny idea. But if I don’t have a pen and paper nearby, I have to convince myself that the idea wasn’t that funny.” – Mitch Hedberg
How many times has a hilarious or fantastic idea popped into your brain, and you tell yourself that you’ll remember it later, only to have it disappear in a cloud of ninja smoke never to be seen again? You’ll never fully realize how frustrating this is until a few months later when you watch from the sidelines as someone else succeeds with your idea. The truth is ideas are a dime a dozen, especially in comedy. And the only way to start turning these ideas into actual dimes is to talk about them on stage as soon as possible. So the very first thing you need to do is to buy yourself a notebook, a pen, and a voice recorder. From now on, anytime anything in your day to day life strikes you as odd, funny, annoying, absurd, scary, infuriating, or even sad, write it down. Record it. Right away! Even if you’re cozy in bed, all wrapped up in your blanky, drifting off into sleepsville with the patter of rain drops gently tapping at your window, WRITE IT DOWN. Oftentimes the most creative ideas pop into your head when you are at your most calm and relaxed. I call these ideas ‘gifts’ because occasionally they are fully formed jokes that are ready for the stage the next day. Hang your notebook around your neck if you have to, but be sure to bring it with you always.
Step 2: Set a date
So you’ve been to some open mics, you’ve started jotting little thoughts down in your notebook, now you need to pick a date for your first appearance on stage. Nothing increases productivity and creates a sense of urgency like a deadline. Once you’ve picked your date invite some friends. This will prevent you from backing out at the last minute, and trust me, you’ll be tempted to! And make sure to invite the “friends no matter what” type of friends. I’m not suggesting that you’re going to stink things up your first time on stage, in fact a lot of first timers are so excited about popping their comedy cherry that they destroy the audience with pure enthusiasm alone, but there’s nothing more uncomfortable and awkward than watching bad comedy, especially when it’s your buddy up there. New friends or acquaintances might see you in a different light after watching you tank in public, and without a strong foundation based on years of friendship, they may not be able to look you in the eyes afterwards. It’s sad but it happens. My friends confessed to me after my first time that they were more nervous for me than I was! They were like “What if he sucks? Who’s going to tell him? Where are we going to move to?” Thankfully I did really well and my friends still return my calls.
Click here for part 2 of the series which covers the final 3 steps: Get Started as a Stand up Comedian
