You can be happy or you can be right, amazing!  I very much enjoy a good old fashioned argument, as I am extremely logical, and I like debating topics both parties are passionate about.  But the more my girlfriend and I would butt heads, I was starting to realize that no matter how air tight my argument was, no matter how many facts, dates, previous conversations or witnesses I would bring, she would always bring her emotions: the hot, steamy recipe for disaster.  And in the relationship rock paper scissors game of like, emotions always beat logic.  The harder I tried to prove I was right, the more miserable we both became.

So much energy wasted, when all I had to do was say “you’re right dear, I’m sorry” and countless hours could have been saved.

But I can’t do that.  In the end I think I’d rather be right.  I’m extremely competitive, and it kills me to hand over an argument simply because her feelings might get hurt.  So keeping in mind the whole “you could be happy or you could be right” thing, the following are some tips on how to win more arguments, while keeping the tears and the hurling of objects at a minimum.  Just remember, it’s going to get ugly.  She will cry, and she will say nasty things that have nothing to do with the argument at hand.  These are tricks to lure you to her emotional level, making you angry, causing you to lose your cool and say things that will scar you both for years.  Stay calm.  Remember what a wise, 3-foot muppet once said “anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, and suffering leads to the dark side.”  If you keep a cool head and stick to your guns, you can win the argument.  She will be pissed, upset, sad and resentful, and she’ll probably withhold sex from you for the next few weeks, making you pissed, upset, sad and resentful, but hey…you’ll be right!

1.  Really try to stay focused on the issues at hand.  It will be tempting to bring up past discussions  but be careful;  women have scary good memories.  They will bring up things you said and did months and years ago, with such Polaroid precision that you won’t even know what to do with yourself.  So if you absolutely must bring up the past, make sure you remember exactly what happened, who said what, what she was wearing, what you were eating, cause if not she’ll eat you alive.

2.  No matter how upset she gets, stay calm and keep telling her you love her.  This might sound counterproductive, but some of these arguments can get pretty intense, and it can start to feel like your significant other doesn’t love you anymore or that things are coming to an end.  Keep arguing, don’t give up in the face of tears, but keep her reassured that you will still be there when the smoke clears.

3.  Never disregard her feelings.  When you sift through the things she’s telling you, which might not make any logical sense, there’s always an emotion at the base of it.  Try not to say things that “You’re being ridiculous” or “That’s just plain insanity!”  Again, if you are calm and relaxed you can see clearly, so instead respond with “Listen, I understand how you feel, but this is what really happened.”

4.  They say “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”  Dale Carnegie’s bestselling book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” describes at length the fact that no one “wins” an argument.  You might be able to prove her wrong when it comes to the facts of case, but in the end don’t ever expect her to say, “Okay honey.  You were right, I was wrong.  I’m sorry.”  This will never happen.  As was mentioned earlier, sometimes it’s better be happy than to be right.  So if you truly want to win an argument, know in your heart that you were right, but tell her “Okay sweetheart, I didn’t realize you felt that way.  I’m sorry.”  It can be very difficult to swallow that pride sometimes, but it’s the quickest path to make up sex around!

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Monday: The Starfish

The weekend may have come and gone but that doesn’t mean your sex life should. Even if you’re tired and worn out from a long day at the office, a simple, comfortable and orgasmically-effective technique to rock you and your lady friend’s world is a technique called the Starfish Position also known as the scissor position (very popular in lesbian sex).

To do it: Both of you lie down (bed, kitchen floor, concrete floor behind a truck…) with your heads in opposite directions. Place your legs between each other in a scissor position and penetrate! This is a position sure to drive your woman wild as it keeps constant pressure on the clitoris. You can hang on to each other’s hands for leverage, rock and twist your hips, arch your backs and move in and away from each other to allow for deeper penetration.

Tuesday: The Butterfly

This is a must-know position, easy, comfortable, versatile, allows for deep penetration and is perfect whether you’re in it for a quickie or endless hours of pleasure.

To do it: Go to the edge of a bed, couch, table, desk, counter, truck… Have her sit-up or lie down at the edge while you stand or kneel. If you kneel, you may want to use a pillow under your knees for extra comfort. If you’re standing, be a real stallion and lift her legs over your shoulders. Then, angle up towards each other so that your genitals meet. Next, place your hands under her hips and hold her buttocks and begin thrusting. The pelvic tilt gives your penis full access to her vagina and builds friction for both of you.

Wednesday: The Upside Down Position

If you’re in the mood for an adventurous sexcapade to try on a Wednesday, the upside down position is the way to go. Flexibility and balance is a bit of a requirement for this one so go slowly if this is your first time trying this position.

To do it: Get her to lie down first and then lift her legs so that her backside is facing you and her legs are perpendicular to the ground. When your genitals meet, squeeze her legs together as you penetrate her slowly. Hold her hips to keep you both steady.

Thursday: The Launch Pad

A great technique for synchronizing your sexual flow and achieve deep penetration is the launch pad. It is also said to massage your girl’s g-spot.

To do it: Pick her up and raise her legs and feet on your chest. You, the giver, should stand in front of her, enter and begin to thrust.

Friday: Penetration 69

Here’s one that let’s your woman take control and sure to drive you crazy.

To do it: You lie down on the bed and she lies on top of you with her head at your feet. When you’re aroused, erect and ready she lies on top of you, sliding up and down and using your feet for added thrusting and leverage.

Saturday: Jugghead

It’s the missionary position with the advantage of having breasts in your face! The unique sensation of penetration due to your elevated state is simply mind-blowing and a great way to begin or end a Saturday.

To do it: Lie down on the floor and place your legs on the edge of a couch or bed. Your lady then gets on all fours and commences the ride to heaven with boobs in your face and an angle that is amazing for pumping.

Sunday: The Lotus

In the mood for a Sunday kind of love? Why not try the lotus, a tantric sex position that brings you an unbelievable degree of closeness.

To do it: Get comfortable in the traditional lotus position and embrace each other snuggly. The trick with this one is to mirror each other’s movements so when she’s breathes in you breathe in to. Rock your pelvis’ in sync. This position is sure to deepen your intimacy and guarantee a climax that is out of this world.

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And that’s exactly why there are rules.

Breaking the rules can lead to disaster of colossal proportions: tears, anger, hurt feelings and the end of a friendship. So, let’s start with the basics. Let’s define a friend with benefits. Firstly, there is a difference between friends with benefits and casual sex partners, but many advice guides tend to ignore this difference and treat the two equally.

Defining Friends With Benefits

“Friends with benefits” is a term used to describe a physical and emotional relationship between two people. That relationship may have elements of a sexual or near-sexual nature, however it is understood by both parties that aside from some occasional flirting, touching or hanky panky, there should be no expectations of extra commitment or an official romantic relationship later on. Casual sex on the other hand, has little or no emotional attachment and is based purely on the fulfillment of sexual needs.

Embarking on a “friends with benefits” relationship can be a lot of fun but in order to prevent Hurricane Emotion from wiping out a friendship, here are some rules and pitfalls to consider beforehand.

Insider Tips

Set Rules At The Beginning
As much as we’d love for nature to take its course, a little planning can go a long way.
Rules to consider: where and when it’s okay to make out (at a bar/ in front of friends/at home behind closed doors), what is okay to do (hold hands, sleep over, cuddle), who is allowed to know (no one/closest friends/anyone). By laying out what’s acceptable and what’s not, you are protecting yourself and your FWB from emotional damage in the future.

Do Not Have Expectations
Whether it’s a phone call or sex, it’s better to let things happen when they happen. Expectations can stress a situation, the less you have them, the easier it is to play it cool, have fun and not to interfere with the natural process. The second one of you begins to expect something you didn’t before, one person is bound to bail in fear. All to say, accept what you’ve got and don’t try and push things.

Watch Your Language
Multiple “I love your…” “I love the way you” can begin to sound a lot like I love you. Try not to become an undercover over-lover.

Have A Time Frame
If this FWB relationship has been going on for more than three months, you could be entering an emotional danger zone. Obviously this depends on the nature of the relationship and the frequency of your encounters, but typically three months provides just enough time to confuse things.   If you’re really into each other maybe it’s time to give a relationship a shot. Otherwise, it may be a good time to take your eggs out of the basket.

Know When To Stop
Perhaps you’ve met someone else, want to meet someone else, or the other person is visibly becoming more attached. If you can forsee the end of this relationship approaching, now might be a good time to pull out. Ending things might be difficult at first but it saves a lot of heartache in the future.

FWB WARNINGS!

Meeting Other People Becomes Harder
Going out to a bar or party with your FWB around shouldn’t but can begin to narrow your opportunity to hook up with other people.  Though you guys are by no means in a relationship, all of a sudden jealousy and confusion are percolating.  That is of course unless you both find someone else. Your best bet is to make an agreement before anything gets out of hand.

The More You Water Them, The More Feelings Grow
There is no doubt that fun and intimacy with a person can develop into feelings, real feelings. The longer you let it go on for, the more likely they are to grow. However, very rarely do feelings builds equally and at the same pace on both sides. Be aware and stay grounded about what’s really going on.

The End Will Come
Unless you realize how madly in love you are with each other, there is a good chance that this relationship will end. And, many FWB relationships end once one person meets someone else. It’s normal for disappointment to prevail initially, but a certain amount of levelheadedness also must be maintained. The best way to make the knock a little softer is to be realistic and honest from the beginning.

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Well I’m still naïve, but I think you’ll be pleased to know, or at the very least indifferent, that I am no longer in the “zoo without a cage,” the “circus without a tent,” the “diarrhea without a diaper” world known most commonly as “dating.”  Yes my friends, I have somehow convinced a human girl to be in a monogamous relationship with me. By convinced I of course mean “tricked,” and by monogamous I mean “sexually exclusive to one another.” As appreciative as I am, it has been an all-out relationship psychology war.

In my last article I talked about how Facebook and the internet had changed the face of dating, completely eradicating blind dates while giving potential mating partners access to your life in photograph form.  Now that I’m in a fully functioning relationship, I’m discovering a whole new way of screwing things up and getting into trouble with the ladies.  I call it Facebook C***blocking.

The Double Dump

The last relationship I was in ended horribly.  I had to do the hardest thing in the world which is to tell another human being, and not to their email inbox but to their actual face, that I don’t love them anymore and that I want to see other people.  I compare the feeling to what it must be like to drown a puppy, or to throw one off a bridge in Lithuania.  This is a good litmus test to separate those of us with souls from those of us who are zombies.  But nothing prepared me for how tough it would be to end our relationship on Facebook.
Breaking up with a person is one thing, but telling the thousand-plus people between us about it was something else entirely!  I tried simply removing the “status” function completely, but sure enough, the broken heart symbol went out like a virtual Bat-signal, inviting the whole world to swoop onto my wall and inbox with a flood of “Why’s” and “So sorry’s.”
I hate when people say “I can’t believe you guys broke up!  You guys looked so happy in all those photos!”  Well no shit!  When someone takes your picture, what do you do?  Exactly.  You pull your loved one in close and you smile.  That picture only represents a split second in time.  It doesn’t capture the last 6 hours of arguing over why the toilet paper roll should be pull-able from the top and not the bottom.  Besides, it’s kinda hard to look pissed when someone says “cheese.”

But if there’s one thing I’ll give Facebook, you’re never alone during birthdays and breakups.  But changing my relationship status really felt like breaking up with someone twice, or if you will, drowning two puppies.  Like these little guys.

I just wish I had read this before doing anything, taken from an actual FB profile called “Did u know u can change ur relationship status without anyone knowing!?”

If you change your settings, you can make facebook not tell the world that u and ur lover have just ended that relationship of yours….

How u ask??

This is how!!

1) Click on “privacy” in the top right hand corner of any facebook page
2) click on “news feed and mini feed”
3) unclick the box next to “remove my relationship status”
4) click “save changes” at the bottom of the screen
5) break up with ur bf/gf in peace without the world finding out!
6) Change ur relationship status from… (read more)

A wise Jewish wedding singer once said “Information that would have been useful YESTERDAY!!”

Never Again

Since then I vowed to never, EVER post my relationship status on Facebook for the love of sweet Jesus.
Well apparently my vows mean nothing, a fact which should be of concern to the lovely girl whom I am now posted as being “in a relationship” with on Facebook.
Inasmuch as I wanted to keep my previous breakup private, I wanted the world to know that I had learned absolutely nothing.

The following are some basic rules for maintaining a danger-free Facebook profile while in a relationship. They will help the new person in your life feel like they are the only person in your life, and they will hopefully spare you from getting water boarded by jealous partners looking for answers.

Spring Clean Your Profile

Facebook can really screw you when starting a new relationship. More precisely, all the crap you and your pals have posted can screw you.  From the second you add your new love interest to your web of “friends,” expect him or her to sift through your profile with a fine-toothed stalker comb.

So before you click “Add”, make sure to delete all the wall posts discussing that time you were so wasted that you woke up in a recycling bin; remove all those photos with your tongue in people’s ears, in fact, you should remove all photos with any members of the opposite sex in them, as you will be forced to give a detailed history of each and every one them to your new love buddy.

No more Face-flirting

When the cute waitress you used to work with posts photos from her all-inclusive vacation in the Dominican Republic, it is no longer acceptable to tell her how awesome she looks in her floss-kini.

While comments like “Damn girl, you so fine you blow my mind” or “I wish I was your sunscreen lotion right now” might have been cute (they were never cute) when you were single, they are now grounds for getting dropped like that garbage remake of Night Rider.

You should also keep an eye on comments that other people post on your wall.  People have a bad habit of saying the quiet parts loud and the loud parts quiet.  When ex-flings post “hey hot stuff, I’m back in town for the weekend, do you still have those gravity boots and that trampoline?” on your wall instead of your inbox, you’re going to have a lot of explaining to do.  And almost no amount of “Baby that’s over now I swear!” can extinguish the jealousy fire your profile page created.

Along with the spring cleaning mentioned before, it would be a good idea to completely remove all exes, flings and booty calls from your profile while in a relationship, as they can only get you in trouble.  Besides, you can always add them back later if things don’t work out.

Easy on the Cheesy

Now that you’re in love, it’s going to be very tempting to spread cheese on your loved one’s wall.  Status updates like “Carla is floating on cloud 12” or “Bill is wondering how long before the heart-wound from cupid’s arrow becomes infected” are all fine and dandy…at first.  The only problem is that people who aren’t in love HATE hearing about people who are.  And while my general opinion on this matter is f*** them, you should try not to rub your love in their single, lonely, monstrous-amounts-of-alcohol-consuming faces.
Also, there is a Too Much Info meter when it comes to posting messages on each others’ walls.  Stuff like “miss you, xox” or “I had a lamb burger for lunch and thought of you”  are perfectly acceptable displays of PDFA (Public Displays of Facebook Affection).  But stuff like “I can’t properly sit on a chair today” or “Last night was awesome! If CSI showed up at my apt today with a black light, it would look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man exploded!” should be spared from the public consciousness and go straight to the inbox.

Face-time Vs Facebook Time

When people take Facebook way too seriously, the line between quality and quantity time becomes blurred.  I once lived with a girl, who would get upset with me if I didn’t notice the new photos she would post on her Facebook, or respond to the comments she posted on my wall. I LIVED WITH HER!  We would wake up together, spend entire evenings together, and fall asleep together, all the while actually speaking to each other.  This of course does not include the barrage of texts and MSN messages sent back and forth throughout the day.

How many lines of communication need to be open for couples to feel in touch with each other?  Does anyone remember what it was like to be “unavailable?”  I’m sometimes envious of our parent’s generation, who could go to work and be completely unreachable, except of course for emergencies, until they returned home.  Now we need to talk, text, and type to each other through half a dozen mediums to keep ‘em happy.

So please folks, while Facebook is indeed an amazing tool for sharing your life with close friends, keeping in touch with long distance friends, and getting back in touch with old friends, when it comes to relationships, the  time you spend together in person is what really counts.  Don’t get upset over pictures that were taken in the past, but feel free to stare in amazement at pictures taken in the future.  Life’s too short to get into arguments over the social network version of ourselves.  Virtual will never be real.

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When You’re Having Trouble Meeting People

Maybe you’ve just finished school and are shocked to discover that meeting someone is hard when you’re not surrounded by similarly aged, similarly minded people all the time. Or maybe you’ve just moved to a new place and feel adrift because you don’t know anyone…at all. Sites like Lavalife or Friendfinder can help you get in touch with people in your city or town going through the same thing. Post a picture, as much information about yourself as you’re comfortable putting on the web and trawl the profiles of other singles in your area. It’s better than talking to strangers in the frozen food aisle.

Note: Both Lavalife and Friend finder are over half to two thirds male—most of whom are white, single, without children and more affluent than the average person. Most users, male and female fall between the ages of 35 and 49. If you’re looking for someone younger or non-caucasian, specific sites such as Jdate or Blacksingles that cater to one specific demographic tend to have younger or more diverse users.

When You’re Looking for Something Specific

If you know what you’re looking for but just can’t find it around you, Match might be your answer. This site lets you put up a detailed profile—up to 26 pictures—and provides spaces for what they’ve dubbed “free writing,” allowing you to express yourself more eloquently, letting that stranger on the other end of the fiber optic cable see the real you.

As the name might suggest, this service also comes with a matching function that pairs you with viable suitors based on your profile information if the prospect of scanning through all of those profiles seems a little too daunting. Names and contact information are kept strictly confidential until such a time as you share it with your new special someone. Match is active in 24 countries and functions in 15 different languages.

Note: Users on this site are well balanced between the sexes, age demographics and incomes, but are overwhelmingly white.

When You’re Looking for Something Very Specific

Love may know no bounds, but for some the idea of dating outside of their religious faith is simply crossing the line. So what’s a firm religious adherent to do? There are a number of religion specific dating sites that can help you find the Jewish hunk, Muslim lady or Christian of your dreams, and avoid the age-old, relationship ruining question, “Your faith or mine?” If your peccadillo is cultural or has to do with sexual orientation and not religion, there are also a wide variety of ethnicity-specific or sexuality-specific dating sites that will help you find someone to take home to mother.

Note: These sites are usually populated pretty evenly between males and females and include a pretty diverse spread in age, education, and income. Make sure you fit the profile, though.

When You Can’t Trust Yourself to Make the Right Choice

Do your relationships always flame out dramatically? Maybe you’re one of those people that always picks the wrong type of person to date. Or perhaps you’re not sure what you want out of a partner.

To solve this problem two doctors, a clinical psychologist and a research scientist, categorized the characteristics between spouses that resulted in strong successful relationships, resulting in eHarmony’s 29 dimensions of compatibility. Take the detailed personality test and this dating service will provide you with the profiles of people it has ascertained will result in a stable long-term relationship for you.

Note: This site has a younger user base than most of the others. Turns out the young folk aren’t turned off by the “We met on eHarmony” commercials after all.

When You Just Want Someone to Take Care of You

Who needs romantic notions anyways? If all you’re looking for is a certain rich someone to cater to your every whim in exchange for a little quid pro quo or some cling-free fun, you’re definitely not alone. Sites like Sugardaddie.com and Millionaire Flirt are filled with rich men and women looking for something uncomplicated on the side and scads of nubile young things who won’t complain that you have to work all the time—as long as the gifts keep coming.

Note: You’ll probably have a better chance at meeting a young lady that wants to be kept as users are two thirds female and have a yearly income of around $100,000.

Because Facebook Runs Everything in Your Life Already

You could join a dating site, fill out a profile and post pictures. But why should you when you can just add a Facebook app and the work is done for you. Right now there are about 40 Facebook dating apps, but I’m sure by the time I finish writing this sentence there will be more.

Following the rule for all Facebook apps, the majority of the dating apps are completely useless, but there’s been good buzz about VerbDate. This app just connects your profile to VerbDate, a relationship specific social networking site. Check out profiles, picture galleries and talk to the newly acquired object of your affections with Skype.

Note: The largest demographic on Facebook is 18- to 24-year-olds, followed by 13- to 18-year-olds, so check that personal information closely. This is how my friend ended up dating a 16-year-old without realizing it.

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The speed-dating formula is familiar: women sit at tables around a room, and men move from table to table for a short interaction with each woman. Afterwards, everyone either checks “yes” or “no” to indicate their interest in a second date. Studies of speed-dating align with the fundamental principles of evolutionary psychology: women are much more selective than men when it comes to mate choice since women pay greater reproductive costs by making the wrong choice. Men check “yes” for a larger number of women than women do for men.

However, Eli J. Finkel and Paul Eastwick of Northwestern University decided to quite literally turn the tables in the speed-dating scenario. When the arrangement was changed to “men sit, women rotate” – men became significantly more selective and women became less selective. The cautious or choosy female and sexually aggressive male paradigm is consistent through every human society studied, as well as in most other mammals. Should this study make us question the long-held model?

Alternative explanations:

1. When the women are forced to walk toward and away from the seated men, the men are able to see their whole bodies and gauge shape and approximate weight. While women are generally less picky about men’s bodies, U.S. males show a preference for thin, firm women when choosing dates.
2. Women’s evolved mate selection goes something like: wait to be approached by a man unless I see an exceptionally desirable man, in which case, approach him. Finkel and Eastwick’s experiment thus tricked the women’s brains into thinking the men they were approaching were of exceptionally high quality.

Conclusion: Getting a woman to approach you means half the battle is won. Actually achieving this is somewhat more difficult – maybe starting your own speed-dating club under the alternative model would be a start, or you could simply ask for the switch in an existing speed-dating scenario.

Love At First Sight Lasts

Earl Naumann’s book, Love at First Sight: The Stories and Science Behind Instant Attraction, is based on quantifiable research, including 1,500 in-depth interviews with revealing results:

• Love at first sight (defined as “within one hour of meeting someone, feeling strange and powerful feelings of love for him or her”) only happens to people who believe in it.
• Nearly two-thirds of the US population believes in love at first sight.
• More than half of those who believe have experienced it.
• 55% of people who experienced love at first sight married the person.
• 75% of those who married as a result of love at first sight have stayed married – a massive improvement over average divorce rates.

Conclusion: If it happens, go for it. Lucky bastard.

Women Who Think Men Are Pigs Win Out

Glenn Geher, an associate professor of psychology at SUNY at New Paltz, finds that women who are automatically skeptical of a man’s intentions are almost always better off than women who spend time analyzing and debating over a first date.

Geher’s findings show that if a woman cannot accurately judge a man’s romantic intentions at least 90% of the time, mathematically she’s better off being biased and de facto skeptical. “Women using a ‘men are always pigs’ decision-making rule may be more likely to actually end up with honest, committed, and long-term-seeking males,” Geher concludes.

Conclusion: A woman’s rejection of you is based on a sound mathematical model and thus quite rational. Small comfort when you’re rejected, but know you’re in the top 10% for those who do say yes.

Women Benefit from Polygyny, Men Lose

The finding that humans are naturally polygamous does not qualify as surprising. However, the fact that polygyny (the marriage of one man to many women) is more beneficial to women than to men seems somewhat counterintuitive at the microlevel. It seems as though the guy has all the fun in this one, even though he’d go bankrupt on wedding rings alone, while women are forced to share. Taking the larger picture into account, though, polygyny allows a few males to monopolize all the females in the group. The situation creates greater pressure for men to compete with each other for mates as there is a much greater gap between the winners and losers in this reproductive game, which makes the cream of the crop even more desirable. Under polygyny, women can share a wealthy man, while under monogamy, they are stuck with marrying a poorer man. Or, as George Bernard Shaw puts it, “The maternal instinct leads a woman to prefer a tenth share in a first-rate man to the exclusive possession of a third-rate one.”

While men in monogamous societies often express desire for a polygynous setup, monogamy in fact guarantees every man can find a wife. Polygyny means no wife at all for men who are not extremely desirable.

The losers in polygyny? Extremely desirable women, who can monopolize an extremely desirable man under monogamy but are forced to share in a polygynous model.

Conclusion: If you’re not incredibly wealthy, impossibly handsome and indescribably awesome, be happy with monogamy. If you are all of the above…become a Mormon or move to Senegal.

Taking the Pill Could Mean Picking the Wrong Mate

After a pleasant disposition, scent is the second most important criterion for women in choosing a man, according to Rachel Herz of Brown University. Women care more about scent than muscle tone, appearance or voice.

The source of each person’s scent is actually their immune system. The segment of DNA called MHC (major histocompatibilty complex) both produces our individual odor and controls proteins involved in immunity. Because we are best protected by the broadest possible array of disease resistance, our bodies want to mate with a partner whose MHC profile differs from our own.

Claus Wedekind of the University of Bern in Switzerland conducted experiments asking women to sniff and choose clothes worn by various men. Unsurprisingly, women favored the aroma of men whose MHC profiles differ from theirs, while similar MHC profiles remind them of their fathers or brothers. However, women who take oral contraceptives get it all backwards: they found the father and brother smells most attractive. This is because the pill tricks the woman’s body into acting as if she’s pregnant – and thus she feels safer around her family in this “vulnerable” state.

Herz suggests that the widespread use of the pill while couples are dating may factor into the high divorce rates. One of the top complaints to marriage counselors reinforces this hypothesis: “Marriage counselors say that a complaint from women who want to end a relationship is, ‘I can’t stand his smell.’”
Just to make sure, Herz advises women to stop using the pill for a few months before deciding to marry.

Conclusions: Stop using too much cologne, and consider alternative forms of contraception before taking the plunge.

Men Who Sexually Harass Women Aren’t Being Sexist

Kingsely R. Browne recasts sexual harassment in terms of sex differences in mating strategies. Women reporting sexual harassment complain they have been subjected to degrading, intimidating and abusive treatment by male coworkers.

However, Browne points out that before women entered the workforce, men subjected each other to similar degrading, intimidating and abusive treatment. These are simply part of the tactics men employ in competitive situations. Thus, by subjecting women to this kind of treatment, men are not treating women differently from men (which is the legal definition of discrimination under which sexual harassment falls) – but treating them the same. Men harass women because they are not discriminating between men and women.

Conclusion: Be an equal-opportunity a-hole?

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First Dates Have Undergone a Facebook-lift

Before I get into what I like call “The Haunting,” I do have a few positive things to say about Facebook and first dates. Thanks to Facebook, the days of blind dating are over. Since most of my coupled friends find it impossible to believe that anyone could be single and happy, they are constantly trying to hook me up. Which to be honest, I don’t really mind. I love eating, drinking, and going to movies, so blind dates give me excuses to wine, dine and watch all the romantic comedies I would eventually have to rent by myself in secret. They also give me a chance to dust off all my A-jokes and A-stories. The only problem is that I can usually tell within the first five minutes whether or not I want to ever see this person again. I am either immediately attracted, to someone or I’m not, which can make for a long and excruciating evening if I’m not. Follow them beauty tips ladies! So now, whenever friends tell me they’ve got this great girl they want me to meet, they usually follow it up with “you can check out their pic on Facebook.” This process has saved me a lot of time, money, and awkward excuses as to why I’m “busy” for the next forty-seven weeks.

Let the creepy begin…

I met this girl after performing a comedy show. She was sweet, funny, and had a smile that distracted me while on stage. As we chatted I thought I was making all the right moves, saying all the right things, making her laugh at all the right moments (right as she was sipping her drink), but in the end she hit me with the “I’ve had a great time. We should hook up at some point, here’s my email address.” Her email address? We just spent forty-five minutes talking face-to-face, but when it came down to getting in touch with her, she would rather read from me in New Times Roman. Not a good sign.

The very next day however, she requested to be added as a friend on Facebook. She wouldn’t give me her phone number, but now I’m supposed to accept her as a “friend.” But what am I supposed to do? Hit Ignore? That would end things right quick, so despite my reluctance, I let her in. It felt wrong immediately. We’ve only met once and I already feel like she was encroaching on my privacy, checking every photo, judging every comment, speculating about every lady I’m friends with. We haven’t even kissed yet and I feel like I have to start “behaving” in Facebook land.

A week goes by and I send her an email, setting up our first date. And although I admit it was much easier than making that dreaded first phone call, complete with sweaty palms, racing heart and the countdown from 10 before you hit “dial,” asking a girl out via Hotmail was anything but hot. Less than an hour later, she’s requesting to be added to my MSN contact list.

For someone who wouldn’t give me her phone number, she was certainly interested in communicating. I’d be at work and I couldn’t go five minutes without her name flashing orange at the bottom of my screen. And heaven forbid I went more than two minutes without responding to her messages, suddenly my whole screen would vibrate from her impatient “nudges.” Apparently “Sorry, would love to chat but I’m at work” held no value to her, as her response to my email reeked of passive aggression, with remarks like “just try not to ignore me at dinner like you do on MSN.” She told me later that she was only joking, but I saw right through her lols and her semi-colon brackets. I always “appear offline” now on MSN.

The Date

It’s very difficult for me to capture the full date experience in this article, so I’ve tried to recreate the highlights of the conversation, with all the comments and questions that would never have occurred without Facebook, and had she just given me her damn digits to begin with. We were having drinks and dinner at an Irish pub.

Her: “Are you dating Kim?”
Me: “Who’s Kim?”
Her: “The girl hugging you on St-Patrick’s day?”
Me (becoming concerned): “What?”
Her: “From the Facebook picture.”
Me (clutching chest): “Oh, right, of course. No, she’s my ex.”
Her: “Do you and your ex still see each other?”
Me: “Umm, sometimes. Why?”
Her (fondling the butter knife): “Just curious.”

Me: “So I was at this bachelor party….”
Her: “Do you mean Alex’s bachelor party?”
Me: “Uhh, yes, actually, how the heck did you know that?”
Her: “Facebook photos. You have an album marked ‘Alex’s bachelor party.”
Me: “Oh right, Facebook.”

Her: “So what’s with you getting slapped in the face with the fish?”
Me: “How do you know about that?”
Her: “I Youtubed you.”
Me: “Yeah, I’ve been meaning to take that down.”

Her: “So what type of voice acting do you do?”
Me (scanning the room for exits): “How…..”
Her: “I Googled you.”

Her: “So how did you get started in comedy?”
Me: “Well, it all started at this Just for Laughs VIP party where I…..”
Her (interrupting): “….where you were picking up empty beer bottles and changing the ashtrays for all the visiting comedians, agents, and industry whozzits. And after spilling a tray of leftover cosmopolitans all over yourself, you swore that by the following year you’d attend that party as a performer, and you were on stage for the first time two weeks later?”
Me: ………….
Her: “I read your MySpace profile.”
Me: “Jesus.”

Needless to say, the date ended awkwardly. The funny thing is, without her phone number I never had to call her to say that I’ll be busy for the next 47 weeks.

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Tom States:

I argue that music was invented for the sole purpose of bedding women. Historically, musicians have been some of the most prolific lovers and it stands to reason that music has a particular affect on women. What is it that women find so attractive about men who play music? Well I postulate the following: Firstly, women appreciate the dedication and time it takes to learn how to play an instrument. Playing an instrument properly may not be the hardest thing in the world, but to someone who is musically challenged playing guitar is tantamount to rocket science. This will garner quite a bit of respect. Secondly, being musical implies a sense of rhythm which, in my opinion, subconsciously translates sexually in some way to women. Finally, it exhibits creativity and sensitivity. These are great qualities to pretend to have as women seem to like them.

Dan Says:

Women are creatures of emotion, and nothing plays the emotional heart strings of these fascinating creatures like a musician’s fingers playing the strings of an acoustic guitar. As men we tend to hide our emotions under several layers of ego and cheese, so any outward signs that we feel anything at all, any manifestations that we are not in fact robots seems to magically melt hearts and remove clothing. Women are nurturing by nature, so when a man exposes his inner soul through music women feel compelled to mend his broken wing. This technique is so effective that you don’t even have to be the one creating the music. After a glass of wine or two, a candle, or if not a candle at the very least a dimmer switch, simply whisper the words “This is how you make me feel,” hit play on the stereo, and let the wing mending begin.

Simon Adds:

Whoever’s playing the music is immediately the most important person in the room, and in most cases, whoever’s singing is the most important person in the band. With all the evolutionary value attributed to music as a source of joy, comfort, solidarity and much more (must read Daniel J. Levitin’s The World in Six Songs for fascinating depth on this and more), a cloud of biological fitness surrounds the musician, leaving the rest of the room’s guys jealous and angry. That’s why I took up the guitar! I’ve played live only a few times, and badly at that, but the effects on the opposite sex were shocking, undeniable, most encouraging. Note: in most cases, the more of an impression of an arrogant cock you give off, the greater the response. Sad but true. Forget buying a diamond bracelet – just play music!

While I’d disagree with Tom to say that music serves a lot more than bedding women, all the other conferred benefits can technically apply to romantic pursuit as well, I suppose.

I’d also add to Dan’s point about the emotional effects of a musician’s playing fingers that overt displayed dexterity can go a long way in a woman’s imagination, too. So not just emotional thinking, but rational conclusions, too.

Mary Concludes:

That which is unknown is often most desirable, so yes, the person playing the music in a setting where no one else can, will certainly have more sex appeal, and even lead to some girls getting their panties in a twist, as was the case for Simon. However, being a musically inclined woman, who has grown up playing different instruments, I have become quite a tough critic and judge of these often transparent attempts to be wooed through song. You really do have to know how to play your instrument and you can’t be as obvious as to break out in Dave Matthews “Crash”. But I would have to agree with Dan’s point that the very fact that men do tend to hide their emotions under, quite rightly, “several layers of ego and cheese” a well played instrument will definitely give you some head way toward the sack. As for Tom’s postulation about music being invented for the sole purpose of bedding women, well, that just discounts so many important characteristics of the pure pleasures of music, which I often find better enjoyed alone anyway.

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