Highest Five

Bored of all the standard in out, in out, tab A into slot B sex that you’ve been having lately? Well first of all, similar to the way people felt during the recession, you should be grateful for what you’ve got! If any woman is letting you put your disco stick anywhere near her hot pocket, you should be thanking the universe before and after your pants come off. That being said, unless a little spice is added from time to time, sex can get boring. And apparently when it comes to which countries are having the most sex, Canada and the U.S. aren’t even in the top 10, making us more sexually boring than countries like Poland, and Mexico. C’mon people, Poland?!

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There she is.  Sitting all by herself a few tables over. She is possibly the most beautiful girl you’ve seen in months (if you’re living in Montreal kindly convert “months” into “minutes”).  You sip your cappuccino and try to get back into your book, but even Dan Brown does very little to stop you from constantly looking over.  “She’s incredible!” you think to yourself.  Your head swarms with fantasies, you’re gripping the coffee shop table like you’re trying to make juice and every ounce of you is burning to make a move for the love of God.

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It has been about two months now since the breakup.  And similar to that brain-splitting, stomach-churning hangover that causes us to solemnly declare “I am never drinking again!” the day after my 2-year relationship ended I vowed to never open up to a woman for as long as I live.  Once you’ve exposed your heart  all they do is pee all over it, and although this is probably a freaky fetish for some people, complete with website called something like heartpissers.com, I simply can’t take it anymore.

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A good friend of mine and his wife always seem to be completely crazy about each other.  Which I of course find extremely frustrating, as my girlfriend and I seem to always be at each others’ throats.  When I asked him about it he told me the simplest thing, simple and yet it made some of the most sense I’ve ever heard when it comes to relationships and getting along with women. “We used to fight all the time, but then I discovered that you can be happy or you can be right.”

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An ol’ pal named Guinness once said: Sex isn’t just good, it’s good for you! Maintaining a hot and heavy sex life can have incredible health benefits, boosting your cardio health, relieving stress and pain, countering prostate cancer, and generally keeping you fit, young and vital for longer. Yes, sex is a wonderful thing and the best part about it is that there are an abundance of sex positions beyond missionary and doggie style to keep it steamy and make it better and better every time you do it. Remember, angles are everything and if you are looking to be adventurous, here is a list of different sex positions to try out for the week.

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Anyone who has ever been single and in need of some sexual healing, has at least at one point considered the idea of kissing or making out with a friend. Friends with benefits can be a tremendous asset to curing one’s lonely, hungry state. You get along, laugh together, like spending time with each other. You can kiss, fool around, even have sex without having to commit… But like in most matters of to the heart: things get complicated.

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For those of you who don’t remember me, which probably includes all of you, I’m the dude who nearly retreated to the safety of the witness relocation program because a girl I was dating cyberstalked the crap out of me.  You can read all about how a woman, armed with the left click button of a mouse invaded my space here.

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Online dating sites are here and they’re not going anywhere. So you might as well take advantage of them. But where to start? If you’re not even sure how to begin, here’s a cheat sheet to help you aid you in discovering the site that might help you find the man or woman of your dreams, someone who’s finger you may slip an engagement ring onto, or maybe just someone warm to rub up against.

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Women Not Always More Selective in Mate Choice

The speed-dating formula is familiar: women sit at tables around a room, and men move from table to table for a short interaction with each woman. Afterwards, everyone either checks “yes” or “no” to indicate their interest in a second date. Studies of speed-dating align with the fundamental principles of evolutionary psychology: women are much more selective than men when it comes to mate choice since women pay greater reproductive costs by making the wrong choice. Men check “yes” for a larger number of women than women do for men.

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If any of you have been in a serious relationship during the last few years, for the love of baby Jesus, stay in it! It doesn’t matter how much you’d like to stick your significant other’s head in the microwave on HIGH for 8-10 minutes, it can’t be worse than what the dating scene has become.

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