Essential Ingredients

Have some of these essentials stowed in the pantry or fridge so that when you do prepare a meal, you simply buy the main dish you’ll be preparing, some fresh vegetables to accompany and whip up something delicious on the fly.

-Extra Virgin Olive Oil
-Vinegar (white, balsamic, red wine)
-Soya Sauce
-Butter
-Table Salt + Coarse salt
-Pepper Corns (pepper grinder)
-Dried Spices (thyme, oregano, rosemary, basil, dill, sage, parsley, coriander, bay leaves (great for soups))
-Tomatoes, Canned tomatoes , Sun-dried tomatoes
-Hot mustard (great for marinades and salad dressings)
-Honey
-Onions
-Garlic
-Eggs
-Pasta

Oil 101

Oils are an important part of a balanced diet and a rich source of energy. A panoply of different oils are used for different purposes. Canola oil, corn oil and peanut oil are the preferred oils for deep frying or sautéing. Sesame oil which has a light peanuty flavor is great for making pad thai or stir fry dishes.
Then of course there’s olive oil, the cornerstone of the healthy Mediterranean diet and a must-have in any kitchen. Extra virgin olive oil is my personal favorite for frying and sautéing anything from garlic, onions, meat, fish to veggies like red and green peppers. It‘s also wonderful on salads combined with a touch of aged, balsamic vinegar.

Preserving Oil:

Generally, when any oil is exposed to oxygen, light or heat, it is subject to oxidation and can become rancid. As soon as the bottle is opened the oxidation process accelerates and the oil can degrade fairly rapidly. Opened oil needs to be closed tight and stored in a dark pantry or closet away from sources of heat.

Buy Proper Kitchen Equipment

You don’t need to go crazy, especially if your cooking at the moment is only so-so, but a decent array of quality, durable cooking tools are essential to any kitchen. An initial investment goes a long way, and there are some cooking items, you just shouldn’t skimp on.

Some essentials include a good chef’s knife with a weighty blade for chopping and slicing. Two serrated knives (big and small), one for slicing bread and one for slicing tomatoes. In terms of pots and pans, you’ll need a skillet (flat-bottomed pan used for frying, searing, and browning foods), a saucepan (used for simmering and boiling) and a braising or roasting pan (a large, wide and shallow pan to cook a roast (chicken, beef, or pork)). I would also suggest a blender as you can use it for Soups, Sauces, Smoothies and even dips.

Other useful kitchenware includes:
-colander
-cutting board
-measuring spoons
-spatulas
-pepper mill
-mixing bowls
-measuring cups

General Cooking Tips:

-Dry food well before throwing it on a hot pan otherwise the water splashes everywhere and can potentially burn you
-Make sure to preheat your pan for a good sear. Your food should start cooking the moment it hits the pan, not gradually while the pan warms. If you properly preheat your pan, before you start to cook, your food won’t stick to the bottom.
- Don’t play with your food. The temptation to flip or stir food while it’s cooking in the pan must be tamed. It is actually best to let food develop the color and crust you want on one side before shifting it to the other. Steak or fish should only be flipped once.

I also highly suggest having at least one cookbook, ideally The Joy of Cooking,the backbone of many home cooks’ libraries. You can buy it on Amazon.com, which will accept credit card online payment. When you’re in the beginning stages of learning to cook it’s vital you follow recipes as they are written. Once you get better, you can begin to improvise with your ingredients and techniques.

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The Alabama Song- The Doors

Click here to view the embedded video.

Lyric Excerpt:
Well, show me the way
To the next whiskey bar
Oh, don’t ask why
Oh, don’t ask why

For if we don’t find
The next whiskey bar
I tell you we must die
I tell you we must die
I tell you, I tell you
I tell you we must die

The Alabama Song was originally a German opera song written in 1929 by Kurt Weill and Bertolt Brecht. The lyrics for the song are always sung in English, even when the opera is performed in German. David Bowie, who was a huge Brecht fan and also incorporated the song in his 1978 world tour.

Whiskey in the Jar- The Dubliners

Click here to view the embedded video.

Lyric Excerpt:
As I was goin’ over the far famed Kerry mountains,
I met with Captain Farrell, and his money he was countin’.
I first produced me pistol and I then produced me rapier,
Saying: “Stand and deliver, for I am the bold deceiver!”.
Musha rig um du ruma da, Whack for the daddy-o,
Whack for the daddy-o, There’s whiskey in the jar

Whiskey in the Jar is one of the most widely performed traditional Irish songs and has been covered by bands such as The Dubliners, The Pogues, The Grateful Dead, Thin Lizzy and Metallica. The song tells the story of a highwayman who is betrayed by his wife or lover, who’s recipe for sorrow-consolation is a jar full of whiskey.

Streams of Whiskey- The Pogues

Click here to view the embedded video.

Lyric Excerpt:
I am going, I am going
Any which way the wind may be blowing
I am going, I am going
Where streams of whiskey are flowing

I could have easily compiled a Shane MacGowan booze-inspired song-list. MacGowan claims that he started drinking when he was four. “I just remember that Ribena turned into stout and I developed an immediate love for it.” He tried whiskey when he was 10 and continued to drink heavily thereafter. Though he is renowned for his incredibly self-destructive behavior, Joe Stummer has called him one of “one of the best writers of the century”.

Drunken Lullabies- Flogging Molly

Click here to view the embedded video.

Lyric Excerpt:
Must it take a life for hateful eyes
To glisten once again
Cause we find ourselves in the same old mess
Singin’ drunken lullabies

Lead singer Dave King said the band’s name comes from the bar (Molly Malone’s) that faithfully supported the band from the very beginning, “We used to play there every Monday night and we felt like we were flogging it to death, so we called the band Flogging Molly.”

Irish Drinking Song- Buck-o-Nine

Click here to view the embedded video.

Lyric Excerpt:
We’ll drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and fight,
We’ll drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and fight,
And if I see a pretty girl I’ll sleep with her tonight
We’ll drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and FIGHT

Drunken Lazy Bastard- The Mahones

Click here to view the embedded video.

Lyric Excerpt:
Get up out of bed you drunken’ lazy bastard
You drink all night and you sleep all day
Get up out of bed you drunken’ lazy bastard
If you don’t get off your arse, then I’ll be on my way

When I arrived home, my babe already left me
She saw me in the boozer in the middle of the day
Well I guess that’s the end of our twenty year marriage
So I went back to the pub and I put the pints away

The Night Pat Murphy Died- Great Big Sea

Click here to view the embedded video.

Lyric Excerpt:
Oh the night that Paddy Murphy died, is a night I’ll never forget
Some of the boys got loaded drunk, and they ain’t got sober yet;
As long as a bottle was passed around every man was feelin’ gay
O’Leary came with the bagpipes, some music for to play

That’s how they showed their respect for Paddy Murphy
That’s how they showed their honour and their pride;
They said it was a sin and shame and they winked at one another
And every drink in the place was full the night Pat Murphy died.

The Night Paddy Murphy Died is a popular Newfoundland folk song written by Johnny Burke (1851-1930), a popular St. John’s balladeer. Stephen Harper may be the country’s PM, but with a band as awesome as Great Big Sea, I suppose we could pardon Canada for their mistake.

Have A Drink On Me- AC/DC

Click here to view the embedded video.

Lyric Excerpt:
oh, Whiskey, gin and brandy
With a glass I’m pretty handy
I’m trying to walk a straight line
On sour mash and cheap wine
So join me for a drink boys
We’re gonna make a big noise
So don’t worry about tomorrow
Take it today
Forget about the tip
We’ll get hell to pay
Have a drink on me
Have a drink on me
Yeah
Have a drink on me
Have a drink on me

Tequila- The Champs

Scene from Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Lyric Excerpt:
Tequila

This was the band’s only hit song., but it gets straight to the point.

What Shall We Do With A Drunken Sailor

Click here to view the embedded video.

Lyric Excerpt:
What shall we do with a drunken sailor?
What shall we do with a drunken sailor?
What shall we do with a drunken sailor?
Early in the morning.

Way-hay, up she rises
Way-hay, up she rises
Way-hay, up she rises
Early in the morning.
Shave his belly with a rusty razor
Shave his belly with a rusty razor
Shave his belly with a rusty razor
Early in the morning.

What Shall we do with a Drunken Sailor is a famous traditional sea shanty with each verse suggesting different methods of sobering, castigating, or  abusing the sailor.

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Hákarl (i.e. Rotten Shark) – Iceland

I first saw this dish on an episode of Anthony Bourdain’s travel-cooking show No Reservations and judging by Bourdain’s reaction, this is one delicacy that even the toughest of stomachs can barely withstand. Apparently, even among Icelanders this is an acquired taste and many don’t eat it. It has a very particular ammonia-rich smell and fishy taste, similar to Jewish deli whitefish or very, very, very disgustingly strong cheese.

Preparation: Typically, a Greenland or basking shark is the Hákarl shark of choice. They’re not the biggest sharks out there so you won’t see them on When Animals Attack. First, gut and behead it. Next, place it in a shallow hole, dug in gravelly-sand, then cover it with the sand and gravel. Place stones on top of the sand in order to press the shark and extract any fluids out of the body. Allow the shark to ferment for 6-12 weeks. Following the curing period, cut the shark into strips and hang them to dry for several months. During this drying period a brown crust will develop. Remove the crust prior to cutting the shark into small pieces and presto, ready to serve.

Tacos de Chapulines (i.e. Grasshopper Tacos) – Mexico

Given enough Tequila, I think I would certainly indulge in one of these once-happy-hopping, crunchy delights. Restaurant critic Robert Sietsema describes them as “meaty, crispy and strangely addictive” and, if you keep your eyes closed, “aren’t all that different from say, pork tidbits”. They are also highly nutritious, low in fat and contain pound for pound, twice the protein content of beef.

Preparation: Send children outside to chase grasshoppers. Get the most demonic child to remove all of the grasshoppers’ wings and legs. Once this is done, the cooking is up to you. Heat up some frying oil in a shallow pan, then sautée garlic, chili and onions until the onions are translucent. Remove and discard onions, chili and garlic from the oil, leaving only the oil in the pan. Place the grasshoppers in the oil until crisp and brown. Make sure you cook them thoroughly though, as sometimes they can contain parasites. Remove the grasshoppers and drain them well on paper towel. Similar to the process of taking a tequila shot, sprinkle salt over the top of your grasshoppers, (like you would your hand before licking it off pre-tequila consumption) then squeeze some lime over them (like you would squeeze lime into your mouth, post-tequila consumption).

Gator Kebabs – South Louisiana

Mostly served at outdoor festivals, chunks of deep-fried alligator are served on 10-inch wooden skewers. This rare delicacy is said to have a chewy consistency, something to the effect of undercooked pork. Yummy?

Preparation: For the freshest of fresh gator kebabs, find a hunter with a permit to shoot alligators. Cut up the alligator’s tail into bite-sized pieces. Batter your gator in cornmeal seasoning. Skewer, throw on the barbecue and serve.

Bird’s Nest Soup – China

The initial image that popped into my head upon hearing the name of this renowned Chinese dish, was a soup comprised of floating, miscarried birds and remnants of twigs. However, it seems that a few species of swallow, namely swiflets, are known for building saliva nests, saliva which apparently produces a unique texture for soup that is simply… mouth-watering. The nests have been a traditional part of Chinese cooking for over 400 years and are among the most expensive animal products consumed by humans. In Hong Kong, a bowl of Bird Nest Soup could cost anywhere from $30 USD to $100 USD.

Preparation: There are two types of bird nests available: clean or unclean. Clean nests should be soaked in cold water for about 3 hours until soft, then cleaned under cold water. Unclean nests are blackish and still contain feathers and twigs so you will have to soak them for at least a day, that way, they will expand, loosening any foreign matter which will then float to the top. Rinse off the nests under running water until nothing comes loose. Whatever stubborn impurities remain will have to be handpicked using a pair of tweezers. Once this is done, you can add the softened nest pieces into your favourite chicken soup recipe. Mmmmm… Bird nest…

Kopi Luwak (i.e. Luwak Coffee) – Indonesia

For those of you who like cute things, FEAR NOT, no Luwaks were hurt in the process of making Kopi Luwak. In fact, these little creatures are renowned for their delicious poop which makes for the world’s rarest and most expensive coffee beans at a pricy $100-$600 USD per pound. The Luwak’s diet consists of only the ripest coffee cherries, however because they don’t digest the beans, the beans come out perfectly whole. The fermentation process in the stomach results in a unique, delicious aroma once excreted.

Preparation: Once the Luwak has shat, wash the beans. With the beans in hand, think about where they came from and wash them again.  Then, lightly roast the beans, but only lightly, so as to not destroy the complex flavors that develop through the process.

Fried Tarantula – Cambodia

It seems one person’s nightmare is another’s regional delicacy. In the Cambodian town of Sukon, fried tarantulas are a very popular and seemingly tasty snack, which have come to pique the curiosity of many tourist taste buds from all over the world. The spider-frying tradition came in response to the starving population’s need for food during the years of the Khmer Rouge rule. The spiders are bred in holes in the ground in villages north of Skuon and then fried in oil; legs, fangs and all. The tarantulas are said to have a crispy exterior and a soft, sometimes runny interior.

Preparation: Toss spiders into a mixture of MSG, sugar and salt. Crush garlic and fry in oil. Add spiders to the fried garlic oil and wait until the legs are almost completely stiff, so that the contents of the abdomen are not too runny.

Seal Flipper Pie – Canada

Flipper pie is a Canadian dish, specific to Newfoundland, made from seal flippers and commonly eaten at Easter. Taste-wise it is said to taste like a combination of slow-cooked beef and liver with hints of chewiness and a slight marine flavour, which I guess means it will be pretty Fishy.

Preparation: For the freshest of fresh flipper pie, find a seal hunter who will kill and cut off the seal’s flippers for you.  In Newfoundland this is easier than it sounds. Salt and then rinse the flippers in hot water and baking soda. Next, boil your flippers with onions, carrots and celery. Remove the meat from the bones and tendons, and make into a meat pie-like dish with a puff pastry.

Bon appétit!

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Squirrel-Kebabs

What You’ll Need:

1-2 squirrels per person.  Preferably female, as the males have a strong and gamey taste. And the younger the better, the longer they’ve had the chance to be squirrelly, the tougher the meat.

Sharp knife
Metal skewers
Red/green pepper
Onion
Mushrooms
Peanuts (for bait)
Sling shot/pellet gun/shovel (the shovel will only work if you have the reflexes of a ninja on Redbull)
Chef’s hat

Once you’ve lured your squirrel to a spot where he feels safe to eat the peanuts, have at ‘em.  If you’re using a pellet gun or a sling shot, try not to hit the abdomen, as you might rupture one of the squirrel’s glands which will spoil the meat with funky musk.

Skinning the squirrel can be tough, and there’s nothing worse than getting hairs in your mouth while you’re eating.  One trick is to slosh the squirrel around in a water bucket, so all the hair sticks together.  Okay, here comes the tough part (not for the faint at heart)…with your sharp knife, make a slit along the hide beneath and at the base of the tail (oh God this is terrible I’m so sorry little squirrel!). Cut through the tail, but leave it attached to the back skin (Good Lord I can’t take this, there’s blood everywhere!). Cut an inch or so further up the back and extend the cut along the squirrel’s flanks. With these cuts made, step on the tail and pull on the hindlegs (Christ forgive me! I just peeled an innocent squirrel like a banana, I’ll never sleep soundly again!). This will strip the back and belly skin down to the forelegs.  Pull the skin over the forelegs and hindlegs, then cut off the head and feet with a knife (Face buried in blood-stained hands, crying like a baby).

Once you’ve recovered from the shock and horror of skinning your first animal, you can remove the glands and the internal organs.  Squirrel meat is fairly tough, so you’ll want to boil the carcass in seasoned water for 20-30 minutes, or until the meat begins to come off the bone.  Place the squirrel in your bowl of barbecue marinade and let soak for another hour.  Now your squirrel is ready for the grill.  Simply skewer the slices of peppers, onions, mushrooms, and marinated meat and KAPOW!  Sweet, sweet squirrel kebabs.

A Marvelous Barbecue Marinade

1½ cup Ketchup
1  Can beer
1  Jar of jalapeno salsa
1 cup     Tomatoes and chiles
½ cup     Butter
½ cup     Vinegar
¼ cup  Worcestershire sauce
1 Lemon; thinly sliced
⅓ cup     Prepared mustard
Pepper
Chili powder
Garlic salt
Salt
1 Can of jalapeno peppers

Note:  If you can’t bring yourself to skin and gut the squirrel yourself, there are certain butchers who can send you vacuum-sealed squirrels in the mail, already prepared.

Snake Sizzler

After dealing with the squirrel you will either be ready to move on to other animals, or you will need to seek out a hypnotherapist to mentally ‘erase’ the whole experience.  But again, in these tough economic times, 10 jager-bombs will probably do the trick for a fraction of the price.  But for those who can go on, let’s talk about snakes.  Snakes are a rare find in the backyard but are much easier to capture than squirrels. You can use the shovel for this one.  Then using your sharp knife, a large cleaver, or a pair of hedge shears, off with its head!  Even if the snake was venomous, you needn’t worry about the meat, as the venom is contained in glands behind the snake’s jaw bone, which is of course contained in the head you so elegantly lopped off.  Now the real fun begins.

You’ll want to locate the snake’s brown exit, better know in the snaking community as the “anal vent,” which can be found several inches above the tail on the belly side.  Without making any lame Greek jokes, insert your knife into the anal vent and proceed to slice open the stomach, making your way to the head.  You’ll need to cut through a lot of stringy connective tissue to remove the skin, but once this is done you’re pretty much home free.  The guts you can pretty much scoop out with a spoon, and you can then toss the innards onto your lawn, a trick which will invariably attract your next backyard meal.

Snake is a cross between chicken and fish in texture and flavor, so you can prepare it for the grill using any one of your favorite chicken or fish recipes.  A simple rub made with salt, pepper, garlic, and Montreal Chicken Spice, will help your snake taste awesome.  On a medium-high heat, the snake should take anywhere from 8-16 minutes to cook, depending on the size.  Feel free to brush the little fella with barbecue sauce while it sizzles.  You can tell if your snake is cooked when you can peel the little fibers off the meat.

Frogs Legs

All you need to capture some backyard frogs is a child armed with two hands and a jar. Catching this meal can be fun for the whole family, and you’ll be teaching your children the value of hunting and providing at a young age. Before you send your kids into the “wild,” make sure they know not to come home until they’ve caught at least 3 frogs per family member. Frog’s legs are tiny and not very filling, so you’ll want to prepare a lot of rice and veggies for your side dishes.

Using a sharp knife, simply cut off the frog’s legs, and peel off the skin using a pair of pliers (or your teeth if you’re in a “watch the kids scream and cry” kinda mood). Coat the legs with:

olive oil
lemon juice
garlic
sea salt
pepper
parsley
mustard
1 can of beer

Marinate the legs for about 3 hours then skewer them. Once the grill is hot and ready, throw those bad boys on for approximately 3 minutes per side. Frogtastic!

Don’t let a shriveled economy shrivel your pride and your belly. Join the ranks of your ancestors who had to hunt and kill to eat their food. Okay so maybe they were hunting slightly larger game than squirrels and pigeons, but you’ve got to start somewhere. Just be careful, the same can be said about serial killing, and you don’t want to become one of those. Or do you?

Let that plot thicken over medium heat for 2-3 hours….delicious.

Rib of Rocky Raccoon

To many the raccoon is the “cutest” of the backyard critters.  But to anyone who’s received a rabies shot after being bitten by one, or to anyone who’s woken up to discover a week’s worth or trash, dirty diapers and all, strewn about the driveway, a little smile will spread across your face when the little masked trash-burglar hits the grill.  Gideon’s Bible can’t save the little @$$hole now. Provided you aren’t the newest victim on “When animals attack” you can move onto the next step. See the squirrel section on how to skin and clean the raccoon, again being very careful to remove the musk glands without damaging them.  Feel free to wear the skin as a hat while cooking the meat.

Cut the meat into serving pieces.  Place in a large pan with:

1 cup red wine
2 onions, sliced
3 bay leaves
1 tablespoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
3 cloves garlic, sliced

Add water and bring to a boil, then cover and simmer for 1 hour.  Now the meat is tender and delicious, ready to be painted with your favorite bbq sauce and tossed on the fire.  Who’s laughing now you garbage-eating $%&! disturber?

Pigeon Patties

Now that you into the swing of things, not even animals blessed with the gift of flight are safe from your backyard barbecue bonanza.  So without wasting anymore words on how to kill, clean and cook a pigeon, simply sit back and watch this badass birdman go to work.  This dude deserves a high-five for his slingshot skills.

Click here to view the embedded video.

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Gourmet food is “food prepared skilfully, which is as pleasing to the palate as it is to the eye”, but I would like to add the stomach into this mix.

Why Beef When You Can Bison?
Since I seem to have burgers on my mind, here is an amazing and delicious recipe to step-up the classic burger and fries meal and give it a gourmet twist.

Bison Burger & Garlic Butter Fries

Bison Burger

Ingredients
• 2 lbs ground bison
• 2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
• ½ tsp granulated garlic
• Sea salt
• Cracked black pepper
• Extra virgin olive oil
• Red pepper sauce, to taste

Instructions
• In a large bowl, combine the ground bison with the Worcestershire sauce, red pepper sauce, granulated garlic, sea salt and black pepper.
• Shape the mixture into ¾ inch patties
• Lightly brush the patties with olive oil to prevent sticking
• Season with sea salt, cracked black pepper and granulated garlic
• Cook on a preheated grill pan over medium high heat- 5 minutes on one side and 4 minutes on the other (or until an internal temperature of 140 degrees F has been reached

Add any of your favorite burger toppings, melt a strong old cheddar or even gorgonzola cheese and place your magnificent bison burger between a warm, lightly toasted onion bun. Yum…

Recipe courtesy: iFood.tv

Thin and Crispy Garlic Butter Fries (2 servings)

Ingredients
• 2 Medium-sized Russet potatoes
• Cold water
• Crisco Shortening to fry
• Butter
• Minced garlic

Instructions
• Peel potatoes and cut into ¼” strips using a knife or French-fry cutter
• Soak in cold water for several minutes, then drain and pat dry
• Fill a 3-quart saucepan, about ½ way with Crisco Shortening and heat to 325 degrees F.
• Cook 2-3 cups of potato strips at a time, for 3 minutes, slowly and carefully, so as not to make the oil splash and burn your house down
• Drain potatoes on paper towel and cool at least 15 minutes at room temperature
• Once cool, re-heat Crisco to 365 degrees F and fry potatoes a second time for 6-8 minutes until golden brown
• Drain on paper towel
• Toss cooked fries with melted butter and minced garlic in a frying pan over medium heat until all fries are coated

Garlic and Beer Leg Of Lamb With A Side Of Lemon and Almond Rice Pilaf
Here is a perfect gourmet recipe for a dinner party, which will be sure to have your guests rolling over with joy.

Leg of Lamb

Ingredients
• 1 (5 pound) leg of lamb
• 30 cloves garlic, peeled (whoa! Smelly, you will be)
• Salt & Pepper
• ¼ cup coarse-grain brown mustard
• 1 cup beer

Instructions
• Preheat oven to 400 degrees F
• Rinse the leg of lamb and pat dry
• Place lamb in a roasting pan and generously season and rub the salt and pepper into the meat
• Using a knife, make incisions all over the leg and stuff the garlic cloves inside
• Spoon the mustard over the lamb and rub in
• Roast, uncovered in the preheated over for approximately 30 minutes
• Reduce the oven temperature to 375 degrees F
• Baste the lamb with beer, reserving the rest for basting at 20 minute intervals
• Continue to roast the lamb until the internal temperature reaches 140 degrees F to get that perfect medium rare. The lamb should be in the oven for about 1 ½ hours.
• Remove from oven and allow to rest at least 5 minutes before carving

Recipe courtesy: allrecipes.com

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Wine can mean different things to different people and the pure pleasures of drinking wine are certainly not limited to its taste. In my experience, the best wines, regardless of how cheap or ordinary they were, have always tasted better in great company. Impressions of a wine are easily tinted by the context you’re in. You can be sipping on a rare Millésimé- but if you’re on an awkward date, where conversation is like pulling teeth, the wine is just as good as wasted. (Unless of course you can find a way of sneaking out with it through the back door and enjoying it by yourself.)

With wines ranging anywhere from $8 to $150,000 (the price of a bottle of Grand Cru First Growth, Château Pétrus, 1961) wine can certainly be intimidating. With its own history and language, sometimes all the components can begin to feel overwhelming, so much, you have no idea where to begin. But, the first step is easy: be open. One of wine’s wonderful characteristics is that it reminds everyone of something. A moment, a taste, a smell, whether it’s cherries, currant, blackberries, an airport, or your grandfather’s old cigar, wine embodies a panoply of aromas that evoke some type of memory.

I have tried to compile some of the very basic things you should know about wine, to hopefully enhance your appreciation, and most of all, help you avoid looking like a jackass when attempting to look like you know what you’re talking about.

Old World Wines: These include wines from France, Italy, Germany, Portugal, and Spain. Their origins date back to the Roman Empire and beyond. One of the reasons Old World wines are considered so invaluable is that growers from over 2000 years ago were able to determine which areas produced the finest quality grapes and even after the collapse of the Roman Empire, the grapes that managed to survive became the grapes which are still grown to this day.

New World Wines: These include wines from Australia, the United States, Canada, New Zealand and South Africa. Over the past 10 to 15 years the wine industry has undergone a significant shift, from Old World to New World wines. These wines are well-priced and ready to drink without having to be aged, which has a lot to do with why drinking wine has become so popular among the masses. This has been the cause of much controversy for the Old “Worlders”, whose methods and traditions have been developed over thousands of years, now having to compete with the new guy who comes in and practically takes over the industry.

Body: The body of a wine refers to the weight of the wine in your mouth—full-bodied, thin, lean.

Tannins: You know that mouth-drying feeling you get in your jowls when you take a sip of wine, well that’s what people are referring to when they talk of tannins. Red wines contain more tannins than whites. A wine that has high tannins can be described as “harsh” or “stemmy”.

Balance: This refers to the balance of sweetness, acids and tannins in the wine. If there is too much of one component it can completely throw off the balance, wherefore you can whip out the term “unbalanced”. Wines that are very acidic will have little after taste and finish in your mouth, so expressions such as “short”, “sharp” or “dried out” can also be used to describe this fleeting taste.

Legs: A wine’s legs help you to determine the body of the wine. Simply by doing the fancy-shmancy glass twirl and twist, you can watch the wine drip from the top, down just like creepy long legs. The slower the falling legs, the more full-bodied the wine; the quicker the falling legs, the lighter the wine.

A Short List of Essential Red Grapes

Cabernet Sauvignon: Strong, bold, heavy, deeply concentrated, supple tannins, often round aftertaste. Most people will like to pair a Cab with food-More of a tidal wave than a quiet stream.
Tempranillo: Tempranillo is the dominant grape in red wines from Rioja and Ribera del Duero (my personal favorite regions for wine). This wine will often be blended with Garnacha, Mazuelo and a few other grapes. Flavors of tea, brown sugar and vanilla, it can also display aromas of plums, tobacco and cassis, along with a very dark color and substantial tannins. I always say, it tastes like the sun.
Syrah/Shiraz: Full bodied, rich and spicy with considerable tannins and the sweetness of dark berries.
Zinfandel: Some of the best Zinfandels are usually from California and the taste can anywhere range from heavy, full and spicy, to light, easy and fruity.
Merlot: Lighter in taste, medium body, soft, fruity and sometimes minty. A nice starting wine.
Pinot Noir: Subtle, very light with hints of black cherry, spice, and currant flavors, or particular aroma that resemble earth, or herbs even wilted roses. It is the classic grape of Burgundy and the favorite of Paul Giamatti in “Sideways”.
Gamay: Very light, grapy taste and low in tannins.
Grenache/Garnacha: The second most planted grape in the world, it is dark in color, sweet and peppery. It is blended to produce Châteauneuf-du-Pape.
Malbec: The grape of Argentina. Smooth, plum taste.
Sangiovese: – This is the main grape in Chianti and Brunellos. This wine is medium, to full-bodied, usually high in tannins. Spicy, with hints of raspberries, cherries and anise.

An Even Shorter List of Essential White Grapes

Sauvignon Blanc: Often has a musky, grassy taste, with hints of grapefruit and is both crisp and refreshing.
Riesling: Sweet, floral and peachy, especially Rieslings coming from Alsace, to light-bodied, with apple and honeysuckle flavors from those coming from particular regions in Germany.
Pinot Gris/Grigio: Very light, dry, crisp and acidic. Wine snobs will often describe this as a “safe” wine, “innocuous” and “uninteresting” however, there are definitely some excellent and complex Pinot Grigios out there- my personal favorite: Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio.
Chardonnay: According to Wine Spectator Magazine: “When well made, Chardonnay offers bold, ripe, rich and intense fruit flavors of apple, fig, melon, pear, peach, pineapple, lemon and grapefruit, along with spice, honey, butter, butterscotch and hazelnut flavors.” Is anyone else hungry?
Sémillion: Dry and sweet with hints of fig, tobacco and grass.
Muscat: Bold and spicy with floral notes and can range from very sweet to very dry

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