Intimidation. Threats. Berating. Teasing. Overworking. These are just some of the many issues victims of workplace bullying endure on a day-to-day basis. A lot of attention has been given recently to the bullying epidemic taking place in our schools and in the workplace.
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Even though parents say lying is wrong, we can pretty well all attest to having been told complete and utter fabrications to prevent us from behaving badly. Whether it’s to make sure we keep our hands off our privates, finish the brussel sprouts on our dinner plates or not urinate in public pools, the lies our parents make up as they go along prove to be effective, sneaky ways to keep us in check. But just because they’re our parents, doesn’t mean we have to believe everything they say. Here are some of the most outlandish lies your parents might have told you growing up and the earth-shattering truths behind them.
I found out there was no Santa in grade 1, thanks to my bitch of a teacher who thrived on crushing childhood dreams. Like many kids who have just been informed of the truth about Santa, I developed an impulse for damaging other children by spreading the news.
Crossing your eyes will not affect your eye placement long term. Think about it, when we focus up-close our eyes naturally come together. So, when you cross your eyes you are essentially just exaggerating this natural response. I was told that you would only stay cross-eyed if you kept your eyes crossed and someone smacked you on the back. I decided to test the theory out on my little brother, and I can assure you there is absolutely no harm in crossing your eyes, or crossing your eyes and getting smacked in the back.
Some eye doctors recommend not letting kids get closer than five feet to the TV screen, however, the intention is to prevent eye fatigue, not eye damage.
Your nostrils will not stretch from picking your nose. The technical name for compulsive booger-digging is rhinotillexomania and aside from grossing out bystanders, picking your nose may actually be good for you. According to Dr. Friedrich Bischinger, a lung specialist in Innsbruck, people who pick their noses with their fingers are “healthier, happier, and more in tune with their bodies”. His argument stems from the notion that exposing the body to the dried germ corpses helps to reinforce the immune system. He feels society should adopt a new approach to nose-picking, and encourage children to take up the habit.
After years of experience I can tell everyone first-hand (pun intended) that your genitals will not fall off if you touch them too much. And no hair will grow either! At least, not on your hands… There is absolutely no harm in masturbating, even a lot of masturbating, unless it is so vigorous that you irritate the skin or if you were to do something really foolish like inserting something into your urethra. But I imagine that must hurt quite a lot.
If you avoid putting scissors or sharp objects in your belly button, you should have nothing to worry about.
Really?
Scientists believe kissing was an evolutionary development to spread and build immunity to germs, so your parents were partially right about cooties. What they didn’t tell you is that you do want them. The term may have originated with references to lice, fleas and other pests. A child is said to “catch” cooties through any form of bodily contact, proximity, or touching of an “infected” person. The phrase is most commonly used by children aged 5–10; however it is also used by many others older than 10 years of age. Girls are most often the carriers of the “disease”.
Rambo was probably beefing up on a mixture of protein shakes and steroids.
Thunder and lightning have been subject to scientific inquiry for centuries, but to date, no evidence that there is a bowling match going on upstairs has come to light. Scientists have this crazy idea that lightning bolts reach extremely hot temperatures- between 30,000 to 50,000 degrees F. (That’s hotter than the surface of the sun.) When the bolt suddenly heats the air around it to such an extreme, the air instantly expands, sending out a vibration or shock wave we hear as an explosion of sound, i.e. thunder. Then again, what do scientists know?
In Western culture, there is a common image of a stork bearing an infant wrapped in cloths held in its beak. Some speculate that because childbirth was difficult to talk about in Victorian times the stork story was a good way to avoid discussion.
Of course he did…
Researchers in Germany have discovered that the crust of bread is a rich source of antioxidants and may provide a much stronger health benefit than the rest of the bread. Did your parents actually know that or were they just making sure you didn’t waste food?
In a survey conducted of 1,000 U.S. citizens, 17% admitted to releasing their liquid excretory product in a swimming pool. Even Olympic swimmer, Michael Phelps, has confessed to pool peeing. All to say, no the water will not turn any other color if you pee-pee in it. However, according to an epidemiologist in the division of parasitic diseases at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention “urine in the water causes “respiratory, ocular irritation: red puffy eyes, a cough or an itchy throat”. When swimmers sweat or urinate in the pool water, the bodily fluids combine with the chlorine. It creates chloramines, which causes a strange odor and eye and respiratory irritations for swimmers.
Top Ramen noodles (like all other kind of Ramen noodles) are precooked and completely safe to eat. Until I was led to believe that my raw noodle consumption would give me worms, my favorite way to eat them as a kid was “raw”. I would find the corner of a brick wall and pulverize the bag without ripping it. Next, I would take the flavor packet, pour it over the broken bits, close up the bag, shake it and enjoy.
I was told that if I cracked my knuckles I would grow up to have arthritis. Eventually my knuckles would swell up and I would lose my strength and grip. There is no proof that any of this is true, however I have to commend my mother on her cleverness since she has arthritis, and seeing that it is hereditary, I will likely have it too. Arthritis can be caused by various factors including injury, metabolic abnormalities, hereditary factors or infections. As for knuckle cracking the only thing it has been proven to cause is neurologic habit patterns like nail biting.
While this would be an encouraging bit of information for boys wanting to grow facial hair, it is also the way I remember my mother trying to deter her little girl from having silky, smooth, touchable legs. Shaving does not stimulate new growth, if it did, those going bald would be shaving afflicted areas to encourage more growth. Shaving hair doesn’t change its thickness or color either. The color, location, thickness and length of hair on your body mainly depend on genetics and hormones. After you shave body hair, it may feel coarse or “stubbly” for a time as it grows out. During this phase, it may be more noticeable — and may appear darker or thicker. But it’s not.
If you eat watermelon seeds you might choke, but unfortunately you will not have a stomach full of watermelons.
Pediatric gastroenterologist David Milov claims in a Scientific American article that he can say “with complete certainty” that gum does not stay in you for seven years. Once it’s swallowed, the gum base is subjected to the same treatment as regular food, and after it’s recognized as useless by your digestive system, it goes the same route as any waste product. Seven years is the amount of time, however, that a crime will remain on your record and until you are eligible to apply for a pardon from pardons Canada.
Don’t be a worrywart, touching a toad will not give you warts. Those warty looking things on the surface of their skin are simply an accumulation of mucus glands and poison glands. The only chance of anything happening would be if you handled the toad roughly. Then you’ve got a problem. Make a toad angry and it will excrete a bufotoxin, which if ingested could cause intense pain, seizures, cardiac collapse, and even death. But no warts.
Hence the reason we lie. Whoever said the truth will set you free was crazy if they were suggesting you tell your parents the truth. Unless the kind of freedom you’re looking for involves the afterlife…
What lies have your parents told you?
Before traveling to any far off destination, most people make sure they purchase travel insurance, for the security of knowing that if something goes wrong, their insurance will cover any unexpected expenses. Lost luggage, canceled flights, missing passports, missed connections, illness… traveling demands proper precautions. But sometimes, fine print and unclear insurance policies have quite an opposite effect and cover less to nothing of what you’d thought when you took out the insurance policy in the first place.
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In a day and age where singers can use auto-tune to disguise notes they can’t hit, Lady Gaga is considered avant-garde, and American Idol has the power to elect our talents of tomorrow, there is a true sense of Eureka when you stumble upon genuinely good music, created by genuinely talented artists.
Enter Tristan Clopet. Toronto-born, Miami-based, guitar-playing whiz, profound and clever lyricist, with a voice that crosses between Anthony Kiedis and Jeff Buckley. Clopet and his band The Juice (love the name) have just released their second EP Purple, and after an entire day of listening to the six tracks on repeat- the Eureka moment strikes. Clopet has hit a soft spot, creating what sounds to me like the lost recordings of the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Blood Sugar Sex Magic. Clopet and The Juice have an innate sensibility for timing, there are elements in every song that are sure to remind you of something, but it is a familiarity that is both comforting and exciting. Purple leads you into a blissful orgy of slap bass funk, indie rock, quilted with sultry blues. Just the right ingredients to change up that stale piece of warm generic pie we’re continually getting served.
Proximity Bomb is the first song to detonate the album. Fully charged, with lyrics to match, it’s Red Hot meets Rage Against the Machine, bringing you back to the glory days of the 90’s. Next comes So Alive, a favourite of many reviewers, with radio success written all over it. At first, it’s a little too sappy for my tastes, turning me off immediately because it reminds me of Coldplay, and personally, Chris Martin’s mawkish look how many notes I can make come out of my nose lost me at Yellow. But then I give the lyrics a chance Take your shoes off by the door, Throw your clothes off on the floor, Look in the mirror my dear, That’s with whom you need to start your next affair. The song gives your ears a real sense of Clopet’s vocal range and when the lyrics come together, it creates a lovely sweetness I can definitely swallow.
Clopet then wins my heart back with Superficiality is a Sin- kicking off with a funky guitar lick that sounds like the beginning of a 70s porn, followed by the more refined sounds of orchestral strings. He raps the first verse: The future sound of this ultra underground sound, Pulls ya right up into the heavens, Past the current state denizens, with reggaesque punch à la Bradley Nowell (= Vitamin Awesome!)
The next track, Ethereal Evidence follows in the footsteps of RHCP’s If You Have to Ask, blending super funk with reggae, rock and powerful words that are a total in-your-face slam on society: Fear is the greatest governor of man, Long before this elaborate plan, Of learning all you know from the TV land.
Love and a Question brings down the tempo. A beautiful composition that nearly brought me to tears, Tristan’s voice soars through gorgeous pining words, Drowning in her love drunk ways. Clopet strikes a chord with anyone who has ever experienced unrequited love. Oh one thing I never knew, Is what I was to you, Can you hear me?
Yes Tristan, we do.
He then comes back, like a devil’s opiated rage with the final song, Black Panther Party. A deep bass line introduces the heavy rock jams to follow, and again Clopet rolls us happily through his razor sharp lyrics.
By the end, Clopet has taken us on a rollercoaster ride of emotion, with energy fueled songs that will have you jumping around and smashing things in your living room, or sitting down pondering all of life’s questions.
For more Tristan you can also check out his debut EP Duende, equally as charged, tight and marshaled as Purple.
Here is one of my favourite’s called Concrete Dreams:
Also worth a listen are his “Living Room Sessions” where Tristan records a handful of his favourite covers on his YouTube page.
For instance this Vampire Weekend cover:
A la Radiohead, The Purple EP is sold on a pay what you can basis. The album can be found on http://tristanclopet.com/. A new full length album is set for release early 2011.
Being on your boss’ good side can have a very positive impact on your career and in making your overall work experience enjoyable and interesting. But to earn the respect and recognition you want from “The Man”, you need to possess good work habits, which come from having a good work ethic. Here are six effective work habits that will not only make your boss love you, but also help you become a more disciplined and efficient employee.
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Hating your job. Probably one of the most discouraging, incapacitating feelings to endure on a daily basis. It weighs heavy on our morale, makes it difficult to fall asleep at night, get out of bed in the morning, and even more challenging not to pick up the home phone and call in sick. Forget even trying to stay motivated during your workday.
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Ever wonder who’s earning the big bucks aside from celebrities and sports superstars? I’ve compiled a list of some of the highest paying jobs in North America in fields such as science, medicine, marketing, finance and technology in order to give you a tree stand view (I figure you’ll see more detail standing from a tree rather than way up high like a bird) of the salary ranges in various professions.
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An ol’ pal named Guinness once said: Sex isn’t just good, it’s good for you! Maintaining a hot and heavy sex life can have incredible health benefits, boosting your cardio health, relieving stress and pain, countering prostate cancer, and generally keeping you fit, young and vital for longer. Yes, sex is a wonderful thing and the best part about it is that there are an abundance of sex positions beyond missionary and doggie style to keep it steamy and make it better and better every time you do it. Remember, angles are everything and if you are looking to be adventurous, here is a list of different sex positions to try out for the week.
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Anyone who has ever been single and in need of some sexual healing, has at least at one point considered the idea of kissing or making out with a friend. Friends with benefits can be a tremendous asset to curing one’s lonely, hungry state. You get along, laugh together, like spending time with each other. You can kiss, fool around, even have sex without having to commit… But like in most matters of to the heart: things get complicated.
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