Brazilian Wandering Spider

This little beauty is not only the world’s most venomous spider, according to the Guinness Book of World Records, but is also believed to be responsible for the most human deaths. These deadly arachnids got their name because, unlike most spiders, they don’t hang out in a web or a lair at night, but wander the jungle floor looking for prey—though these pests are increasingly found in cities. During the day Wandering Spiders hide in termite mounds, under logs or sometimes in banana plants.

The venom these spiders produce is similar to the neurotoxin found in Black Widow Spiders, causing pain, cold sweats and an irregular heart beat. It’s believed that between the year 1970 and 1980 Brazilian Wandering Spiders were responsible for hospitalizing about 7,000 people in southern Brazil.
If it doesn’t manage to kill you, however, there are some pretty embarrassing side effects that come with this spider bite.

Click here to view the embedded video.

(You can skip ahead to 1:30 for the good stuff.)

Africanized Honey Bee (a.k.a. Killer Bees)

The world is full of dangerous things that can kill us, but we only have ourselves to blame for this one folks. Back in the day settlers in North and South America wanted a hardy bee that produced a lot of honey. Well, European bees were bigger and produced more honey, but they were kind of frail. African bees, though tough, were much smaller.
So to get the best of both worlds, they bred these two bees together. This produced a race of large, very aggressive honey bees with a habit of absconding (or abandoning their hives to start new ones elsewhere). These bees are hyper-defensive and attack relentlessly in giant swarms when threatened.

If an Africanized honey bee stings you they not only release their venom, but they release a banana-scented pheromone which signals the other bees to attack.  You can withstand approximately 7 stings for every pound you weigh before your life is in serious danger. These bees have been known to swarm and attack as far as ¼ mile from their hive, and can sting up to 500 times in 30 seconds.  You do the math.

These bees used to dwell mostly in South America, but have been migrating further and further north in recent years.

Giant Japanese Hornet (a.k.a Asian Hornet)

No, that picture isn’t Photoshopped. The bug is really that big. When these puppies aren’t picking fights with entire bee hives or eating honey bee larva, they can be found stinging annoying humans in the Tokyo region with their 6mm stingers (that’s about a quarter inch).

Not only are these bugs frighteningly big, but they’re also frighteningly dangerous. Giant hornet venom is more potent than that of its smaller, puny relatives; it’s a mixture of acetylcholine—which causes a lot of pain—and an enzyme that’s capable of dissolving human flesh. People who have experienced being bitten by these bugs say it feels like a hot nail being driven through your flesh. And once you’ve pissed one of these guys off it will chase you for over three miles. Each year in Japan, Giant Hornets kill more people than all other venomous and non-venomous animals combined.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Siafu Ants

Found mostly in central and east Africa, these ants aren’t so tough on their own. Problem is, you’re not very likely to find one of these little guys by themselves. Siafu Ants live in giant colonies of about 20 million individuals.

When food gets low the ants set out in search of food in columns that can consist of as many as 50 million ants. That’s almost half the amount of registered domain names you can find on the World Wide Web! And that’s when you don’t want to mess with them. The columns defend themselves viciously, and have a military structure complete with sentries that set up a perimeter corridor to protect the smaller members of the colony. You’re not in too much trouble as long as you can run away from a column, but if you’re sick or debilitated or just generally stuck in one place these ants can kill you and consume your entire body. Most people die of asphyxiation rather than the painful venomous bite. These ants have such powerful jaws that in East Africa, people used them to perform emergency sutures.

Bullet Ant

So maybe swarms of tiny ants don’t scare you. How about this giant screaming mofo? That’s right, screaming. Bullet Ants hail from the low land rainforests of Nicaragua and Paraguay. Each ant is about an inch long and lives in a tree colony. When a predator approaches the colony some of these bad boys drop down onto it, letting out a shriek before they do.
While not the deadliest insect, the Bullet Ant’s sting is said to be the most painful in the world, according to the Schmidt Sting Pain Index. The insect’s sting causes waves of burning, throbbing, mind-blowing, pain that doesn’t stop for 24 hours. It hurts so much it feels like you’ve been shot with a bullet (Get it? Bullet Ant?)

Some South American societies use the Bullet Ant to test the manhood of young boys, making them endure 20 stings without crying out before they can be considered men. Some white people think that sounds cool and decide to do it just for kicks.

Click here to view the embedded video.

African Assassin Bug

This brightly-coloured bug is said to have venom 10 times more potent than a cobra, which it can either spit at or inject into its prey. One bug won’t kill a human, but get bit by enough and you’ll be in trouble.

The Assassin Bug’s venom, rather than paralyzing its prey, will liquefy their insides. It uses its proboscis to suck the liquid insides from its prey or to bite unsuspecting human beings. The Assassin hunts by covering itself with the dead bodies of past meals. When an unsuspecting insect wanders by and thinks one of the empty bug husks looks tasty, the Assassin Bug dumps the decoys and pounces.

Some brave—or crazy—humans have taken to keeping these bugs as pets because they can control most pest problems very efficiently. Other people keep them as pets so they can videotape them hunting, set it to whimsical music and post it all on YouTube.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Kissing bugs

These bugs aren’t really deadly because of their venom or because they’re particularly fearsome. Kissing bugs are dangerous because they infect human beings with Chaga’s disease. These insects don’t die after biting so it’s possible for them to bite multiple humans and pass the Chaga’s parasite along.  The bugs hide inside houses and drops down onto people while they’re sleeping, biting the soft tissue of the lips and eyes. Chaga’s disease, however, is actually passed to a new host through the bug’s feces that enter the human body through the wounds it inflicts.

As of 2008, 16 to 18 million people were infected with the disease, with 20,000 dying of the affliction yearly. Chaga’s causes sever heart damage. Heart transplants for victims are ineffective because the parasite just ruins the new heart as well.

Mosquito

Okay, so we’ve all seen Mosquitoes before and they’re not particularly terrifying. But their kill rate certainly should scare you. These blood suckers kill more people than all of the flying menaces and deadly spiders combined. Mosquitoes pass along diseases like yellow fever, denegue fever, Chikungunya, West Nile virus and the ever popular malaria. It’s estimated that in Africa alone mosquitos are responsible for infecting 700 million people with disease, killing 2 million in their infectious wake.

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Here are what I consider his 5 best and most interesting goals:

Typical Maradona-Style Against Getafe

From half field, absolutely unstoppable, one defender at a time until the ball is in the back of the net. No wonder people are reminded of Maradona.

Drive Against Zaragoza

Look at Messi power through, first fighting hard for the ball, then making everyone look stupid as they try to get in his way.

Four Goals Against Arsenal

This is a set of goals to showcase how well-rounded a scorer he is. The first shows the power of his shot, the second his ability to be in the right place at the right time, the third his speed and amazing touch, and the fourth, his incredible ball control.

Third Goal of Hat Trick vs Tenerife

Check out the perfect touch on this shot. A goal like this shows you that he can pretty much do whatever he wants with a ball, and good luck trying to stop him.

Hand of God Goal vs Espanyol

Check out this one… the source of much controversy, he punches the ball in the net in perfect coordination with his would-be header lunge. He puts the manly in unsportsmanly.

So that’s the top 5. At 22, there’s plenty more to come from him, and you can only imagine what the next Messi goal will look like.

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JFK

Ask any middle aged American where they were when they heard President Kennedy got shot and they’ll probably be able to tell you. For many that Friday, November 22nd stands as one of the defining political moments in U.S. history; movies have been made about it, books have been written, t-shirts printed.
But it wasn’t just the grisly imagery of the assassination or the mystery surrounding what happened that that so deeply scarred Americans. With the death of Kennedy, the United States radically altered its political trajectory. Robert McNamara [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_McNamara] himself has stated that in the wake of the President’s 1963 speech about world peace at American University, Kennedy seriously considered pulling all American troops out of Vietnam. Lyndon B. Johnson, Kennedy’s hawkish vice-President and eventual replacement, not only overturned Kennedy’s decision to begin withdrawal from Vietnam, but began escalating the conflict. This decision would splinter the Democratic Party and the nation and pave the way for the ascendance of Richard Nixon and almost a decade of Republicanism.

Julius Ceasar

He came. He saw. He conquered. They killed him. Unfortunately, when the senators, led by Marcus Junius Brutus, finally gave Julius the stabbing of a lifetime, Caesar had already been declared “dictator in perpetuity”–a title that would make even the coldest of tyrants warm and fuzzy inside. The assassins who had wished to restore their glorious Republic had actually done the worst possible thing, ensuring that their democratic government disappeared.

In Caesar’s absence a power vacuum opened up. Civil war rocked Rome and when the dust settled not only had the Republic not been restored, but the people had set up autocracy with Gaius Octavianus, Caesar’s nephew, as the new emperor of Rome. Two years later Julius Ceasar was declared a deity, and the era of God Emperors had begun.

Benazir Bhutto

When Benazir Bhutto was assassinated the Pakistani people rioted for days. Twenty people died, cars were burnt and reports say rioters wrecked nine election offices, 176 banks and 34 gas stations.

Bhutto was the first woman ever elected to lead a Muslim state. She served as Pakistan’s first and only female Prime Minister from 1988-90 and 1993-96. In 1998 she fled to Dubai and spent almost a decade in exile because of corruption charges. Bhutto eventually returned to Pakistan in October 2007, after President Musharraf to run a third time for PM.

She campaigned on a platform of women’s social and health issues, and criticism of the Taliban. From the moment Bhutto stepped off the plane in Karachi she faced intimidation and death threats.

Bhutto was killed while standing up, waving to the massive crowds through the sunroof as her bulletproof car as she returned from a Pakistan Peoples Party rally. Someone fired into the crowd and explosives were detonated near the vehicle and Bhutto was killed. The international community saw the assassination as an attack on Pakistan’s democracy.

Franz Ferdinand

How many people could say that their death sparked a worldwide conflict? It wasn’t because he was so important or because he was such a nice guy, but the timing and circumstances surrounding the assassination of the Archduke Franz Ferdinand had the whole world at each others’ throats.

Ferdinand had the poor timing to die as the forces of nationalism, militarism, and imperialism were peaking in Europe. It could be argued that any dignitary of a similar rank killed around that time could have set off the chain of events that drove an entire continent to pick sides and declare war within the space of less than a year, that the increasingly modern nations in Europe were itching for a war. But be that as it may, Ferdinand holds the distinction.

Mahatma Gandhi

Mahatma Mohandas Gandhi was the epitome of a peaceful freedom fighter. He led India’s independence movement and pioneered a form of non-violent resistence that would inspire political activists for generations afterwards.

On January 1948 while out taking his regular walk around the Birla House in New Delhi Nathuram Godse, a Hindu nationalist extremist, shot Gandhi because he felt the pacifist was weakening the country. Gandhi had “fasted-unto-death” in order to end riots between the Muslim and Hindu factions that were fighting because problems surrounding the partitioning of India. When Gandhi died the nation went into mourning and India lost one of its seminal leaders.

Abraham Lincoln

Oh how many American school children have reenacted the assassination of Abraham Lincoln as part of their President’s Day ceremonies in the U.S.? Or maybe that’s just in the Simpsons. Regardless, the death of Lincoln at the hands of actor and confederate spy John Wilkes Booth was the first, but not the last, time a controversial American President was assassinated. But that’s not the only first to come out of this situation. It was also the first, but not the last, time a Vice-President would come to power and leave in disgrace.

After Lincoln’s death his Vice-President Andrew Johnson came to power. Johnson is often ranked as the worst president in American history and stands as the first U.S. President to be impeached.

Lincoln’s presidency had seen the emancipation of the slaves the end of the the Civil War and redefined Republicanism. His death made him a national martyr and probably help secure his position as one of the greatest presidents in U.S. history.

Patrice Lumumba

Lumumba was the first ever legally elected Prime Minister of the Republic of Congo. He was ardently anti-colonialist and helped his country gain independence from Belgium in 1960. Just 10 weeks after securing his country’s independence, however, Lumumba was deposed as PM, arrested and subsequently murdered.
After gaining independence, Lumumba decided not to raise the pay of army officers. Those in the military revolted and uprisings started all over the country. When the UN would not help him keep the peace, he turned to the Soviets for help.

Many historians agree that the detention and assassination of Lumumba was supported by both the U.S. and Belgian governments. Both governments feared that the Republic of Congo was falling to the communists. The Republic of Congo would remain unstable, seeing coups, assassinations and outside meddling for years to come.

Jorge Eliécer Gaitan

Colombia’s struggle for stability after independence was not a pretty one. The late 1800s were riddled with civil wars and political unrest. But after the Thousand Day Civil war, which ended in 1902, the country breathed a collective sigh of relief as things began to settle.

That is until Jorge Eliecer Gaitan, a liberal presidential candidate in the 1948 elections was assassinated. Gaitan was a populist leader and former Labour and Education Minister of Colombia who believed in changing the country from an oligarchy into a democracy.

His death in April of 1948 sparked a period in Colombian history referred to as La Violencia that lasted a decade and claimed the lives of close to 200,000 Colombians. The CIA is suspected of having a hand in Gaitan’s death, fearing the would-be President’s socialist ideals.

Anwar Sadat

Sadat stands as a controversial figure in Middle Eastern politics. During his 11 years a President of Egypt he reinstituted the multi-party political system in Egypt, liberalized the economy, engineered a peace treaty between Egypt and Israel and launched a war to regain the Sinai peninsula for Egypt.

Sadat is reviled by much of the Arab world for making peace with Israel and westernizing the country. Omar Abdel-Rahman, a cleric who was convicted in the U.S. for his role in the World Trade Center bombing in 1993 issued a fatwa on Sedat.

He was assassinated in October of 1981 during the country’s annual victory parade despite his four layers of security, the troop trucks accompanying him and the Mirage jets flying overhead. It was the first time in history that an Egyptian leader had been assassinated by one of their own.

José Antonio Remón Cantera

Remon Cantera was president of Panama at a critical point in the county’s history. Gaining the Presidency in 1952, he spent much of his term fighting to amend the Panama Canal treaty with President Eisenhower to raise the annual annuity paid to the Panamanian government by the U.S. and take back property from the Panama Canal Company. He was famous for his statement “Neither millions nor alms – we want justice” and fought to improve the treatment of Panama internationally.

Remon Cantera’s death is still shrouded in mystery to this day. He was gunned down by a machine gun in broad daylight at a race track in Panama City in January 1955. His murderer was never caught and CIA documents released recently claim that the President may have been assassinated by Lucky Luciano after Remon Cantera siezed a shipment of the gangster’s heroin.

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Note: There are many other examples of drugs in other conflicts, like amphetamine-pumped child soldiers in Sierra Leone, but this list covers mainly global conflicts.

Napoleonic Wars

French & British

The harsh discipline that came with serving during the Napoleonic wars was counterbalanced by the regular consumption of alcohol. Alcohol became very important for maintaining morale and discipline in the army. Army officials knew that if they attempted to regulate alcohol use they would be met with insurmountable resistance. Alcohol was the only way soldiers could escape. Many soldiers would spend their entire month’s wages on alcohol.

Officers had standing orders to avoid drunken privates since they would often attack their superiors. These orders lasted until the end of the war.

Source: British Military Spectacle: From the Napoleonic Wars through the Crimea by Scott Myerly

World War I

British

Part of a daily ration for the average British soldier included a half-gill of rum which is the equivalent of a eighth of a pint. Additional rations of rum were occasionally served prior to soldiers ‘going over’ (The term used for exiting the trench to advance on the enemy.) The amount given was at the discretion of the standing general.

Germans

German soldiers had a worse diet in terms of food but a much more varied diet when it came to alcohol. German soldiers had a daily ration that included a pint of beer, half a pint of wine and a quarter pint of spirits.

World War II

Germans

Drug use in World War II is easily the most institutionalized in recorded history. This was especially true for German military. The drug of choice for the German army was a methamphetamine designed to keep soldiers alert and functional for several hours/days. 35 million tablets of methamphetamine were shipped to the army and air force between just April and July 1940 alone. These methamphetamines were later banned in 1941 under the Opium Law but despite the ban a shipment of over 10 million tablets was sent to soldiers later that year.

Germans & Americans

The use of alcohol was also encouraged by the military. Alcohol became a crutch for many of the men serving at the time. This prevalent and habitual use of alcohol led to many otherwise preventable deaths and injuries. Production of bootlegged alcohol became a serious issue as many producers didn’t know the difference between consumable alcohol and methyl alcohol. Men who consumed spirits made with methyl alcohol became blind or succumbed to fatal alcohol poisoning. [Source]

Vietnam War

Americans

The drug of choice of American soldiers during the Vietnam War was marijuana. For a majority of the war, marijuana use was largely ignored by army officials. In 1968 a major government initiative forced the army the crack down on marijuana use. By this point the use of the drug had become far too prevalent for the army to effectively combat. Army arrests had reached 1000 per week at its height and treatment centers were inundated.

The army began a massive anti-marijuana propaganda campaign to try and curb its use among soldiers. Officials claimed it would cause harmful long-term psychological effects.

The main concern was that the use of marijuana was affecting missions. What many politicians and anti-marijuana lobbyists didn’t realize is that there was internal policing of marijuana use by the soldiers themselves. Marijuana did not affect military operations because it was only used in non-combat situations. The soldiers knew their lives were on the line and if men in their unit were using marijuana in combat situation it would compromise their safety. [Source]

Iraq II & Afghanistan

Americans

The statistics provided by the US military regarding the drug and alcohol abuse by soldiers is universally viewed as a gross misrepresentation of the actual problem that the military faces. Substance abuse is steadily on the rise and soldiers are returning home with life-altering drug addictions.

As it stands, there is a blanket ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy in the army and there are vastly differing opinions concerning drug use from one level of authority to the next. Medics are generally known to be the ‘dealers’ and as a soldier they’re your best bet if you’re looking to get drugs of any kind. [Source]

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It should be noted that throughout history the majority of humans attacked by animals have died horribly. There are, however, a select few who have overcome the odds and headbutted their way to success. The time may likely never come when you’re forced to defend yourself against a wild animal but it doesn’t hurt to be aware of what to do if an escaped leopard attacks you at the gym while you’re on a stairmaster.

Know thy enemy

I believe it was G.I. Joe who said “Knowing is half the battle.” This applies to every aspect of life and not just in the endless fight against the evil forces of Cobra. The only problem with this famous expression is that while knowledge is indeed half the battle, you’re still left with the other half, which happens to be the actual battle. If ever you find yourself with no other option than having to go toe-to-toe with a large animal, you’ll want to know their strengths and weaknesses.  You should remember that whether they be large angry mammals like bears and lions or large angry shark monsters, they all share physical weaknesses which can be exploited to your advantage.

Common Physical Weak Points

• Nose/snout
• Eyes
• Neck
• Testicles
• Inside Leg

Hammer fists to the nose have been known to repel sharks, dogs, large cats, while gouging out the eyes with your thumbs is always an extremely effective option.  Knees and kicks to the family jewels cause a great deal of pain, but in the case of a female attack, you’d be better off attacking the throat if you want to avoid getting eaten like a carrot pineapple cake.

Common Psychological Weak Points

• Loud Noises
• Aggressive Behavior
• Appearance of Size

For the most part, screaming and waving your hands around will be enough to get any animal to think “WTF?” But it doesn’t hurt to be creative (Actually, it probably does.) For instance, I would carry around a pack of firecrackers and throw them at the offending animal. I would also take off my jacket and wave it  around a bit. If I’m going to die anyway, may as well not be in a purple nylon jacket.

If scaring them doesn’t work then you have two options: Running or fighting. It should be noted that animals are better at running and fighting than humans so don’t expect things to end well. If no one is around to help you then you need to decide your approach quickly. It’s best to stick with what you know. If you’re better a fighter than a runner, then fight. If you’re a better runner than a fighter, then run. Sounds easier than it is, but if you’re fighting, fight back with everything you have.  All too often during animal attacks people give up and pity themselves before the fight is over.

If you have any sharp objects or weapons then it’s suggested you use them. If you have nothing that can be improvised into a weapon, then grab a stick or log. Strike at its weak points, continue to yell and make erratic movements. At the very least you’ll leave this world the same way you came in: kicking and screaming.

One thing to also remember, when humans are at the brink of death, very often they will literally piss themselves.  This is an evolutionary defense mechanism.  When humans are in the death jaws of a larger animal, they will automatically urinate themselves, giving their predators the impression that their meat is rotten, and will hopefully be released.

Now onto something a little less negative: The hideously deformed survivors of animal attacks.

Survivors

Gene Moe

A 69 year old man who stabbed a bear 3 times while pinned and having his arm ripped off.

Nell Hamm

Nell Hamm stabbed a cougar in the eye with a ball-point pen to stop her husband from being mauled. The man survived and the cougar was blind in one eye for the rest of its life which was only 3 hours since police officers found and killed the cougar.

Michael Fay

Michael Fay was attacked by a raging elephant. He grabbed onto the elephant’s tusk and held on for the ride to avoid being trampled.

Insane Polar Bear Woman

A woman jumped into a polar bear enclosure during feeding time at a zoo in Germany. Not surprisingly a vicious mauling ensued and her dumb ass had to be pulled out. Darwin was heard spinning in his grave.

Kootoo Shaw

Kootoo Shaw was being eaten alive in his tent by a polar bear before an armed bystander shot the bear to death. Kootoo survived but his injuries are some of the worst you can come by. I’ll furnish you with a link to the images but keep in mind they are incredibly graphic. (read:awesome)

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Most internet users know a little bit about spam, but spammers are evolving and every day it becomes harder to recognize spam.

Spam types

Virus Spam

These are unsolicited emails that arrive with unusual attachments like .exe files. The emails are usually sent by a friend who’s been infected. Before opening, it should always be a policy to ask your friend or acquaintance and find out if they’ve actually sent you something.

Nigeria Spam

If it sounds too good to be true, it is.

Pharma Spam

Buying medication of any kind off the internet is inherently risky- especially buying medication from a company that sends unsolicited emails. Beware.

Penis Enlargement Spam

Come on, really?

Phishing Scams

These emails are the most dangerous, as they are often sent via a spoof email address that looks like a bank or credit card domain name. They pretend to be a bank or credit card company and then they ask you to confirm a change to your account by logging in using your pin number and password through a link they provide in the email. It also copies the websites login page, often making it impossible to distinguish it from the real thing. To avoid this type of spam, all you need to do is remember that banks never send out emails like this. They will call you to confirm changes with your account and will never require you to log in through a link in an email.

Mortgage & Loan Spam

Low interest loans even with bad credit!!! Yep, it’s too good to be true.

Lottery Spam

No, you didn’t win a prize and no, you don’t need to tell them your bank account number to collect.

Software spam

These are people who pirate software then try to sell it to unsuspecting people. It’s the equivalent of buying a Playstation from the back of a truck.

How to fight It

You would think “unsubscribing” would help, but really, it doesn’t. Unsubscribing from these emails will result in more spam. The unsubscribe link in these emails simply confirms to the spammer that the email address is valid. The spammer will then add your address to a database filled with the addresses of other unsuspecting people, for future spamming.

So how do you stop the influx of garbage email? If you’re using a corporate email address then contact your network admin. The company’s email system is likely operating under Microsoft Hosted Exchange or an onsite email server, so the network admin will be necessary to make changes to the server side spam filter.

Alternatively, if you have a home email address there are client side spam filters like Perimitec’s Anti-spam filtering that provide protection against spam when you’re at home. This kind of software has regular updates much like anti-virus software so you need to make sure you’re up-to-date.

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Adrian Morley big hit on Ryan Hall

Click here to view the embedded video.

Faumuina big hit on Myler

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Gordon Tallis’ famous tackle on Brett Hodgson

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Justin Hodges hit on Steve Turner

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Viliame Satala big tackle on John Roe

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Vainikolo smashes Aspinwall

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Thomas Leuluai big hit on Maurie Fa’asavalu

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Sam Burgess on Fuifui Moimoi

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Adrian Morley big hit on King

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Adrian Morley smashes Awen Guttenbeil

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Tom States:

I argue that music was invented for the sole purpose of bedding women. Historically, musicians have been some of the most prolific lovers and it stands to reason that music has a particular affect on women. What is it that women find so attractive about men who play music? Well I postulate the following: Firstly, women appreciate the dedication and time it takes to learn how to play an instrument. Playing an instrument properly may not be the hardest thing in the world, but to someone who is musically challenged playing guitar is tantamount to rocket science. This will garner quite a bit of respect. Secondly, being musical implies a sense of rhythm which, in my opinion, subconsciously translates sexually in some way to women. Finally, it exhibits creativity and sensitivity. These are great qualities to pretend to have as women seem to like them.

Dan Says:

Women are creatures of emotion, and nothing plays the emotional heart strings of these fascinating creatures like a musician’s fingers playing the strings of an acoustic guitar. As men we tend to hide our emotions under several layers of ego and cheese, so any outward signs that we feel anything at all, any manifestations that we are not in fact robots seems to magically melt hearts and remove clothing. Women are nurturing by nature, so when a man exposes his inner soul through music women feel compelled to mend his broken wing. This technique is so effective that you don’t even have to be the one creating the music. After a glass of wine or two, a candle, or if not a candle at the very least a dimmer switch, simply whisper the words “This is how you make me feel,” hit play on the stereo, and let the wing mending begin.

Simon Adds:

Whoever’s playing the music is immediately the most important person in the room, and in most cases, whoever’s singing is the most important person in the band. With all the evolutionary value attributed to music as a source of joy, comfort, solidarity and much more (must read Daniel J. Levitin’s The World in Six Songs for fascinating depth on this and more), a cloud of biological fitness surrounds the musician, leaving the rest of the room’s guys jealous and angry. That’s why I took up the guitar! I’ve played live only a few times, and badly at that, but the effects on the opposite sex were shocking, undeniable, most encouraging. Note: in most cases, the more of an impression of an arrogant cock you give off, the greater the response. Sad but true. Forget buying a diamond bracelet – just play music!

While I’d disagree with Tom to say that music serves a lot more than bedding women, all the other conferred benefits can technically apply to romantic pursuit as well, I suppose.

I’d also add to Dan’s point about the emotional effects of a musician’s playing fingers that overt displayed dexterity can go a long way in a woman’s imagination, too. So not just emotional thinking, but rational conclusions, too.

Mary Concludes:

That which is unknown is often most desirable, so yes, the person playing the music in a setting where no one else can, will certainly have more sex appeal, and even lead to some girls getting their panties in a twist, as was the case for Simon. However, being a musically inclined woman, who has grown up playing different instruments, I have become quite a tough critic and judge of these often transparent attempts to be wooed through song. You really do have to know how to play your instrument and you can’t be as obvious as to break out in Dave Matthews “Crash”. But I would have to agree with Dan’s point that the very fact that men do tend to hide their emotions under, quite rightly, “several layers of ego and cheese” a well played instrument will definitely give you some head way toward the sack. As for Tom’s postulation about music being invented for the sole purpose of bedding women, well, that just discounts so many important characteristics of the pure pleasures of music, which I often find better enjoyed alone anyway.

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Trevor Linden body checks Jeff Norton

Linden checks Norton through the glass spraying spectators with both sharp shards and hockey players.

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Lucic body checks Van Ryn

Lucic puts Van Ryn through the glass

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Vladimir Konstantinov body checks Claude Lemieux

Vladimir Konstantinov – Claude Lemieux hit 1996 Konstantinov gets Lemieux with a hip check variation that has Lemieux flipping onto his head.

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Darcy Tucker body checks Sami Kapanen

Tucker checks Kapanen so hard that it takes Kapanen over 20 seconds to skate 10 feet to the bench.

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Jiri Fischer body checks Daniel Sedin

Fischer checks Sedin through the glass leaving a noticeable hole…

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Mike Peca body checks Teemu Selanne

Peca blindsides Selanne sending Salanne flipping into the ice.

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Scott Stevens body checks Eric Lindros

Visually not very impressive as the flying hits but this one is a solid shot from Stevens to the head of Lindros

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Larry Robinson body checks Gary Dornhoefer

Larry Robinson checks Dornhoefer through the boards forcing officials to stop the game so they could be repaired.

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Dion Phaneuf body checks Denis Hamel

Another great check. Phaneuf sends Hamel flying through the air several feet onto his back.

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Cory Sarich body checks Patrick Marleau

Sarich delivers a crushing check bouncing Marleau off the boards.

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Scott Stevens body checks Paul Kariya

Stevens lands a stealthy hit causing Kariya to fall flat on his back.

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Brian Campbell body checks R.J. Umberger

Campbell drives his shoulder perfectly into the jaw and neck of Umberger.

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Doug Weight body checks Brandon Sutter

Weights puts his weight into a massive hit on Sutter producing an instant knockout

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Bergeron body checks Moroe

Moroe does a perfect flip over the back of Bergeron

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Todd Burtuzzi body checks Jackman

Burtuzzi lands a solid check on Jackman

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The first element of fighting you need to be aware of is knowing when it’s appropriate. There are definite Do’s and Don’ts and it is vital you know what they are before you board the ass-kicking train.
It’s important to note that people with self-confidence and self-esteem never start fights. This kind of outwardly violent behavior is reserved for individuals with poor self-esteem, image issues or mental problems.

Defense is the Best Offence

Defending yourself or loved ones is really one of the few respectable and socially acceptable ways you can pull off opening a can on someone. If someone attacks your child, wife, or any loved one you have every right to step in and protect them and you’ll likely be applauded for your efforts.
Although defending loved ones is the more likely occurrence, you may find other instances in which it’s socially acceptable to assert your physical presence. Preventing a rape, mugging, or any attack on another person who is unable to defend (i.e. abuse of a child, disabled individual or pet) can all be acceptable times to step in.
Now that you know when it’s okay to fight, you need to understand the kind of force you’re legally allowed to administer on your opponent. To the left is a chart that outlines the amount of allowable force you can dish out depending on the type of attack attempted on you. It’s important to be knowledgeable about what is physically possible within the confines of the law because self-defense can very quickly turn into assault and battery if you’re not careful.

When Your Opponent Becomes the Victim

It’s important to note that you’re only technically allowed to defend yourself to the point at which you can escape the situation and get help. This often does not end up being the case so the law can be lenient when it comes to the force you use in the course of defending yourself. But there is still a chance that you use far too much force than what’s needed to end the situation and this can land you in jail.
If after a series of strikes your opponent is on the ground and you’re standing then, from a legal standpoint, you should leave the scene as quickly as possible and contact the police. Any additional damage done could be counted against you in a court of law. Again, consult the graph above for a visual representation of force allowed under various circumstances within the confines of the law. Even if unusual force isn’t used you’ll need to prove why it is you felt the need to engage. You’ll need to explain why it is you felt threatened and why you reacted in a violent manner.
Violence is rarely the answer. Violence in modern times may be glorified on television and movies but in regular everyday society it’s very much frowned upon. Violence has a very deep emotional facet that is often ignored in popular media but it affects the people directly involved and also bystanders. Alas, sometimes it is unavoidable and only then you should meet attackers with equal force.
In short, real men don’t start fights; they finish them.

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