Highest Five

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October 28, 2010


Bored of all the standard in out, in out, tab A into slot B sex that you’ve been having lately? Well first of all, similar to the way people felt during the recession, you should be grateful for what you’ve got! If any woman is letting you put your disco stick anywhere near her hot pocket, you should be thanking the universe before and after your pants come off. That being said, unless a little spice is added from time to time, sex can get boring. And apparently when it comes to which countries are having the most sex, Canada and the U.S. aren’t even in the top 10, making us more sexually boring than countries like Poland, and Mexico. C’mon people, Poland?!

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October 25, 2010


There be explosions in them thar Yemen hills!  Aside from the fact that Yemen has one of the highest birthrates in the world, with a population increase of 700,000 every year, it also suffers from a massive increase of al-Qaeda militants, pouring into the country as pressures rise in Afghanistan and Pakistan.  This has led to much warfare.  The US military has been helping Yemen deal with these dangerous pests, training their counter-terror forces, assisting them with intelligence and logistics to carry out air strikes, one of which successfully killed six members of an al-Qaeda cell.  The truth is, many of the techniques employed to wipe out a military target, have also been used to supply consumers like you with goods.

They say necessity is the mother of invention.  So you can protest war all you want, but just remember that throughout history the necessities to succeed in battle have led to many inventions that society uses today, inventions that we ironically couldn’t survive without.

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October 18, 2010


There she is.  Sitting all by herself a few tables over. She is possibly the most beautiful girl you’ve seen in months (if you’re living in Montreal kindly convert “months” into “minutes”).  You sip your cappuccino and try to get back into your book, but even Dan Brown does very little to stop you from constantly looking over.  “She’s incredible!” you think to yourself.  Your head swarms with fantasies, you’re gripping the coffee shop table like you’re trying to make juice and every ounce of you is burning to make a move for the love of God.

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October 13, 2010


Before traveling to any far off destination, most people make sure they purchase travel insurance, for the security of knowing that if something goes wrong, their insurance will cover any unexpected expenses. Lost luggage, canceled flights, missing passports, missed connections, illness… traveling demands proper precautions. But sometimes, fine print and unclear insurance policies have quite an opposite effect and cover less to nothing of what you’d thought when you took out the insurance policy in the first place.

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October 4, 2010


In a day and age where singers can use auto-tune to disguise notes they can’t hit, Lady Gaga is considered avant-garde, and American Idol has the power to elect our talents of tomorrow, there is a true sense of Eureka when you stumble upon genuinely good music, created by genuinely talented artists.

Enter Tristan Clopet. Toronto-born, Miami-based, guitar-playing whiz, profound and clever lyricist, with a voice that crosses between Anthony Kiedis and Jeff Buckley. Clopet and his band The Juice (love the name) have just released their second EP Purple, and after an entire day of listening to the six tracks on repeat- the Eureka moment strikes. Clopet has hit a soft spot, creating what sounds to me like the lost recordings of the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Blood Sugar Sex Magic. Clopet and The Juice have an innate sensibility for timing, there are elements in every song that are sure to remind you of something, but it is a familiarity that is both comforting and exciting. Purple leads you into a blissful orgy of slap bass funk, indie rock, quilted with sultry blues. Just the right ingredients to change up that stale piece of warm generic pie we’re continually getting served.

Proximity Bomb is the first song to detonate the album. Fully charged, with lyrics to match, it’s Red Hot meets Rage Against the Machine, bringing you back to the glory days of the 90’s. Next comes So Alive, a favourite of many reviewers, with radio success written all over it. At first, it’s a little too sappy for my tastes, turning me off immediately because it reminds me of Coldplay, and personally, Chris Martin’s mawkish look how many notes I can make come out of my nose lost me at Yellow. But then I give the lyrics a chance Take your shoes off by the door, Throw your clothes off on the floor, Look in the mirror my dear, That’s with whom you need to start your next affair. The song gives your ears a real sense of Clopet’s vocal range and when the lyrics come together, it creates a lovely sweetness I can definitely swallow.

Clopet then wins my heart back with Superficiality is a Sin- kicking off with a funky guitar lick that sounds like the beginning of a 70s porn, followed by the more refined sounds of orchestral strings. He raps the first verse: The future sound of this ultra underground sound, Pulls ya right up into the heavens, Past the current state denizens, with reggaesque punch à la Bradley Nowell (= Vitamin Awesome!)

The next track, Ethereal Evidence follows in the footsteps of RHCP’s If You Have to Ask, blending super funk with reggae, rock and powerful words that are a total in-your-face slam on society: Fear is the greatest governor of man, Long before this elaborate plan, Of learning all you know from the TV land.

Love and a Question brings down the tempo. A beautiful composition that nearly brought me to tears, Tristan’s voice soars through gorgeous pining words, Drowning in her love drunk ways. Clopet strikes a chord with anyone who has ever experienced unrequited love. Oh one thing I never knew, Is what I was to you, Can you hear me?

Yes Tristan, we do.

He then comes back, like a devil’s opiated rage with the final song, Black Panther Party. A deep bass line introduces the heavy rock jams to follow, and again Clopet rolls us happily through his razor sharp lyrics.

By the end, Clopet has taken us on a rollercoaster ride of emotion, with energy fueled songs that will have you jumping around and smashing things in your living room, or sitting down pondering all of life’s questions.

For more Tristan you can also check out his debut EP Duende, equally as charged, tight and marshaled as Purple.

Here is one of my favourite’s called Concrete Dreams:
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Also worth a listen are his “Living Room Sessions” where Tristan records a handful of his favourite covers on his YouTube page.

For instance this Vampire Weekend cover:

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A la Radiohead, The Purple EP is sold on a pay what you can basis. The album can be found on http://tristanclopet.com/. A new full length album is set for release early 2011.