Highest Five

It has been about two months now since the breakup.  And similar to that brain-splitting, stomach-churning hangover that causes us to solemnly declare “I am never drinking again!” the day after my 2-year relationship ended I vowed to never open up to a woman for as long as I live.  Once you’ve exposed your heart  all they do is pee all over it, and although this is probably a freaky fetish for some people, complete with website called something like heartpissers.com, I simply can’t take it anymore.

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Some of the most popular sports in the world are based around fairly basic principals. Using a specific part of your body, move a ball to a specific location while stopping opponents and their body parts from doing the same. Sometimes you must use a stick, and sometimes the ball is a puck. However, throw a handful of magic mushrooms into the mix and suddenly the ball is a toilet on skis. The following are some really bizarre sports that really make you wonder “wtf were people smoking when they came up with them?”

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I’ve never been much of a “porn with a plot” kinda guy. I don’t care who “ordered the extra pepperoni” or “needs to get their toilet plunged,” just get on with it already. The “scripts” are so cheese-filled and the “acting” is so brutal that I can’t enjoy the naked stuff. I get so turned off by hearing these people speak that by the time they start doing each other I’ve already zipped up and left the building (which makes things interesting when my roommate comes home to an empty apartment and Nasty Nymphos 7 is playing on the flat screen). The following is a list of films that have gone above and beyond the boring damsel in distress meets Mr. Fix-It porn plots. With actual budgets these productions use makeup, costumes, special effects and hilarious titles to recreate some of your favorite Hollywood films, porno style!

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